Still having mixed feelings

So the torture which is my love life continues to go on. I don't know if I'm seriously staying in this relationship because I'm in love with the guy, or just because I'm afraid of what will happen to him if I'm not. He asked me that point blank the other day, but I managed to avoid it by just saying I don't know what I want from the relationship. I'm going to have to answer the question. There are times where yeah it feels like I'm just there to keep him sane, then others when I do feel like it could work out. Doesn't help that I'm being courted by a hook up. Also doesn't help that I find him attractive. He's basically everything my bf isn't. Just feels like if I was with him I wouldn't be so self conscious. What I mean by that is this guy is gay and has no problems with it. He's not worried what people think. That's good for me. He knows he's hot, but at the same time, I've seen him very vulnerable. He is truly a teddy bear. Just seems like I'm in quicksand right now. Seems like the longer I wait to figure out what I want the deeper I go. Hell just now my car fucked up and I call up my bf and he's all worried about me. I'm just so afraid of what could happen. Guess I have to focus on what I need and if it isn't this relationship I should say something.

Found this video on mymusclevideo (meaning if it doesn't work go to that site click on a free video and reload this page) and it got mixed reviews. It was posted twice. Anyway one guy said that this guy "cock bouncing" on stage was distasteful and gross. Then there was another guy who liked it. I will say honestly didn't look like he was really doing it voluntarily. It honestly looks more like it moved when he did. Plus the only way you would see something that subtle was if you were in the front row. Everyone else probably wouldn't have seen it or chalked it up to him moving.
I find this photo to be quite romantic. Where you are just staring into your lovers eyes while holding each other. I love doing this. Could do it for hours. Sex doesn't have to be involved. It's just being close with the person you care for. Just makes me go aww every time.
Here is another photo of Wade Neff. As far as I know he never did anything with another guy on camera. Don't think there were any Colt studio photos of him with another guy. Pretty sure he didn't even do any videos. Well when I saw this I figured hell I better post it. I don't know much about him. Don't know if he's gay or not. Just that it was shocking to see him get sucked by another guy when he never did it before. It's kinda like when a top bottoms on camera for the first time. We make it a big deal, but tons of guys have already done it before them.
Chris Gabriel (or Marc Dylan) has become quite popular. He's done quite a few films for SX videos and I know at least 1 for Lucas Entertainment. I think the reason why he's so hot (in this case I mean popular). He is a new face and unlike a lot of guys with his build he is a bottom. He's actually quite a pig bottom at that. It's kinda refreshing. Doesn't mean I don't want to see him top one day.