Hmm....what to say

Well before I get started. If you are looking for this weeks videos posts and don't want to scroll down then just click here. Now with that out of the way I can focus. No doubt I had a great week last week. And I had a great weekend....until Sunday night. Amazing how about an hour of negativity can really screw up a week full of positivity.
So let me start kinda from the beginning. This week I promised to spend with my ex to work on our friendship. We had a great week. Yesterday we saw spider-man at a theater that shows movies after they are out of most theaters. We went and had dinner together. Had a lot of good laughs. So we get home around 8 and I get up the balls to say hey on Tuesday I have a date. He seemed ok with it. Asked general questions. Then came how old is. I told him 45 and then he got quiet. And got up to go to his room. So I was like well I got the silent treatment kinda saw that coming. Then he came out and said that he felt hurt. He had justified in his mind that we didn't work because of age, even though I've said it was other things. Then came the guilt trip. He doesn't understand why I go for older guys. He could understand if it was a 25 year old or a 35 year old. If he was gorgeous he would understand but he suspected not. Yes you heard right. He jumped to the conclusion that coach was ugly because of his age. Needless to say I was pretty upset, but I pulled myself together. I pulled up bear on my phone, showed him his profile and said I don't know if it will make you feel better but here he is. Yeah that shut him up about that. Yes I should have taken the high road and let him stew and thing he was ugly. Not like he's dating coach, but well I do have pride in my guy and don't like for anyone to bad mouth him without meeting him.
Then came me trying to explain why it didn't and won't work between him (my ex) and me. Oh well that got him pissed off and angry and yelling and crying. Through all of this I was calm. Almost eerily calm. Like what I had talked to coach about earlier in the week. I said I thought we were having a conversation. You got to say your piece and now it's my turn. Yeah that threw him and he sat down. Now at this point he was unreceptive, but I still talked. Then after him trying to make me feel bad (sadly it worked) he eventually went to bed. I brushed my teeth and answered a few e-mails from coach. Then as I was coming out my ex called me into his room and once again talked to me. Yes that's right him talking more to me. Saying I need to hang in there with him. Know that it's hard for him. He even started the conversation by asking how many promises had he broke?  Then asking how many I broke. To which there is only one I haven't. Yeah great way to get someone receptive. At that point I pretty much had blocked him out. Something about being there for me, but it will be hard blah blah blah.
So this morning and kinda now I was pretty pissed. Then at the gym I heard this song. It just hit me. It was the song A Dream is a Wish Your Heart Makes (which is right below this paragraph). The line was:
No matter how your heart is grieving
If you keep on believing
The Dream that you wish will come true
So what does that mean? (and btw don't judge my choice in music. I like the song so sue me)Well my dream in this instance was for my ex to truly be my friend and to truly accept me and the guy I want to be with. After that I just felt calmer. Trust me this post was going to be a whole lot worse. And then something my dad said to me yesterday also sank in. You see me and my dad are not overly spiritual people. My dad does believe in God (no I'm not getting preachy here just setting the scene) and angels and he calls them the family. When something good happens he (and his girlfriend) thank the family. Basically the family provides you with what you need even if you didn't know you needed it. Last week I got a lot of what I needed. Someone that loves me and cares for me. Treats me with respect and doesn't make me feel bad. Found an mp3 cassette tape player thing which I was going to go out and buy. With all that happening the song had a greater impact. I needed to hear that. I needed it to feel at peace with what has happened, and I have the family to thank for having it play at that instance with my mp3 player on shuffle. I don't know if my ex will ever be ok with me dating another guy. Don't know if we will truly be able to be friends, but that is my dream. Now you can call this stupidity, naivety, battered wife syndrome, or whatever but well it's me. He claims I never gave him a 2nd chance, but I have and will continue to give him many more. They may not be chances at dating me again, but they are chances at a friendship. I will have my hand out. Even after he slaps it away time and time again. Probably until it gets to the point things won't change and still I'll hold my hand out. I know this may not make Coach happy, but well it's how I am. I will keep trying to be friends with my ex. It may mean I have to take some time away from him, but I do want him in my life as a friend.