Big Step

So....I had my big breakthrough last night/this morning. As some of you (specifically adam) may know coach has been reading and commenting on my blog as well. And I do read those comments and process them. Well last night I couldn't help but think about Coach. Not just what it would be like to be in bed with him, but all those other things. Going on trips together. Working out together. Going grocery shopping together (and with coach we'd be doing that a lot). Basically all that couple stuff. Then I thought about all the stuff we could do in bed. As I've said before and will continue to say my dick is very much tied to my emotions. Last night I had one of the thickest and strongest erections I've had....well...ever. I don't view myself as having a big dick (other guys say differently), but last night it felt like yeah I had a whopper. So that told me something. I got up to go to the gym and on the way over there I was listening to voicemails the Coach left me and thinking of ways to save them. Then I heard quite a few love songs on my mp3 player. The last song being It's Gonna Be Me by N*SYNC. Yes I have that song on my mp3 player don't judge and you are missing the point. That song is basically about how this girl has been hurt by past relationships and N*SYNC is trying to convince her that she should take a chance and it will be worth it. Well I had this flash thinking I don't want Coach thinking and feeling that. Feeling like he's constantly having to prove that he'd be good for me. It's a thought that actually made me pretty sad so I sent him an e-mail. By now I assume he read it so I'll give you all the highlights.
Basically we are in a relationship. The big thing that made me realize that was Adam's last comment about when you know you know. So yes he's my boyfriend and I'm his. Hell he's been wanting to say it to me forever. I'm not seeing anyone else, nor do I want to. I listen to my gut on so many things. I just had to get some of my baggage out of the way before I could accept it. Couch is not like the other guys I dated. He is worth this leap of faith.
I think one thing that was holding me back is that I felt like I was being shallow. We all have a physical type we are attracted to. I say I do like a guy bigger then me taller or weight wise. Well I do have my limits and a lot of the guys I was dating were over weight (except my most recent ex). I was attracted to them, but not like I am to Couch. I just felt a little guilt like I was being a hypocrite. Well nothing wrong with knowing your type and when you find it being super attracted to it. Especially when this person is clearly more than eye candy. Let me set up what I'm talking about. Couch is 5' 6" (so either I'm taller or he's taller in the right shoes), 174 lbs (but if you were to see him you'd swear he's over 200 because the dude is thick), bald, has a beard, and is starting to let the fur grow back on his body. And he has 2 tattoos with a third on the way that says MANBEAST on his back. Now you have that in your head. What do you think his personality is without taking into account anything I have said? You'd probably think he's a prick, into himself, very intimidating, etc. Well he's not any of that. He's smart, funny, caring, nurturing, and so much more. As much as I know it will go to his heads (yes that was an innuendo) he is what I would define as the perfect guy for me. So you can see how that lead to some guilt or worry that I was just into him for the wrong reasons, but well I like him for all the right reasons. What's wrong with appreciating a guy putting hard work into his body? What's wrong with like a guy's personality and finding it utter charming? Nothing. I like Coach for all the right reasons and I'm done holding myself back from feeling what I obviously feel. Pretty good for a week of solo therapy sessions of blogging.
So to sum it up. Fuck anyone that thinks I'm moving too fast. No one is the same. I know who I am, I've talked forever about what I want. I see it and I'm going for it. I'm not letting fear or peer pressure make me lose out on an amazing man that no doubt would give me YEARS of happiness....Wow now I'm in a really good mood. Amazing how that happened.

I saw this picture and I just had to post it. If this was a picture of me and Coach, I'd be the one on the left hand side and he'd be on the right. Yeah Coach is that much bigger than me. I kinda like my weight, but once he gets up to his 200lbs I might want to get up to 175. I'm at 165 now. I want to be smaller than him, but just bulk up a bit.
EDIT:So this song will officially not stop playing in my head and I think it accurate describes my feelings. I'm so excited and I clearly can't hide it. As if I wasn't already gay enough. On the plus side I'm clearly 100% gay cause that bath tub scene did nothing for me. I know tons of ladies will be disappointed knowing that.