VACATION!

So this post is going to be quite long. 1. a lot happened last night and 2. I won't be blogging this weekend since I'll be gone. So where to begin?
Well I guess I'll start with the good stuff. Last night I sent Coach a picture of a gainer I found on growlr (basicaly bear411 on your smart phone) and I just made his day. I could hear his excitement through the e-mails. It's like in sending that picture he felt that I truly embraced his wanting to get bigger. Kinda hard to explain. Well he's hit his goal of shrinking the belly down to make it more in proportion with the rest of his body and he can now button his camo shorts, so it's gaining time. He also told me his gaining plan which is basically a 5 year plan. He wants to reach a goal weight each year until he gets to be 300lbs in 2016. It would be mostly muscle, but he does want a belly and it honestly doesn't bother me if he has one. Just more to love. The plan is basically this:
2012....get me to 200lbs

2013.....225lbs

2014 250lbs

2015 275lbs

2016 300lbs
All of which is do able. Put on slow enough that his body can get use to it and stay healthy. Especially since it won't be all fat. Most of that weight will be muscle. So that makes me his encourager and I can see myself being nothing but. And I will say we will be doing it in a healthy way. As I was writing this I had a customer come in. Walking with a cane, is 71 years old, and from the short distance from his car to the store (at most 15 ft) he was out of breath. Didn't regain it the entire time he was in the store. Then walked out. That's why Coach's weight will be mostly muscle.
 Now for the bad news. I will be gone Friday night, Saturday night, Sunday night, and coming back Monday. My ex is not happy about that. His daughter just (yesterday) kicked her husband out and is wanting a divorce. I'm being accused of not being there for him. Now keep in mind I had no clue that she was going to do that. She was originally planning on doing it when she got all the papers filed and was going to serve him herself. So how am I not being supportive when I had no clue that she was going to do that. Then on top of that he lays this guilt trip on me. That he doesn't understand what I'm doing. That I'm a bird that wants to spread his wings while he wants to nest. Then after all that came the I'm not telling you how I feel anymore, but let me give you a few disappointed clicks and keep talking about what's bothering me. Then he goes in and thinks then comes out and apologizes while still giving some disappointed clicks. By this time I was just shut down. I could barely stay awake. So I will be getting away this weekend. He may need someone to talk to, but it's not going to be me this weekend. He pushes everyone away by having his expectations so high. Who sends someone a 2 page typed e-mail? It's one thing to slowly let people in, but another to just bombard them with your life story.
Now back to good news. I'm driving up to visit my dads tonight. It's going to be some much needed fun. Tonight we are going to have a pizza night and probably play some games or go bowling. Tomorrow we all will hit the gym (one of the few times that I'm the gym expert) and then probably do more games or watch some movies then do a bonfire. Sunday we are having lunch with their kids and some hiking or something before I head out to see coach. Adam had given me this song to check out and by Sunday I'm sure I'll be feeling it. My dad's are very affectionate with each other and that will make me miss my own bear even more. Plus I'm sure in the guest room I'd probably hear them having sex. I know that the last time I stayed at a couples place I heard them going at it. Anyway I'll wanna touch my bear all the more. And can I say that The All American Rejects always put out a good music video in my opinion.
So then Sunday night will come. Coach has a wonderful meal planned. We will spend the night holding and cuddling. Probably watch an episode or two of Queer as Folk. By that time I know we both will be pretty horned up. That's also assuming I even make it through part of the episode. Queer as Folk always got me pretty horny cause they tended to have at least one sex scene per episode. One reason why my mom would watch it behind closed doors. Anyway I have a pretty Macho Man that I can't be with. Yes Coach did in fact send that over to me and ask that I post it today. We all have our thing that makes it pretty obvious that we are gay. Besides the whole cock in mouth and/or ass and getting aroused by naked men. This is Coach's. It actually makes him really cute to me. If you were to see the two of us you'd swear that Coach is the Macho/Butch one out of us two. Luckily that's not entirely true. We are both butch in our own ways. He's just more butch physically, and in the voice,... ok I'm not playing this game anymore.

Mile a minute

My mind is truly going a mile a minute. Plus I'm dealing with allergies and my brain is just not wanting to focus today. It will probably just be a short entry today. Yesterday Coach and I found out a guy he dated a year ago is still in "love" with him and wants him back. We found this out through a mutual friend. Needless to say nothing will happen. The guy had his chance and is a compulsive liar. Plus he had a whole year to come to his senses. He didn't and me and Coach are together. And very happy about it. Plus everyone else that has found out has been very happy for us. Even an ex Coach stays in touch with. His name is Paul (not his real name obviously, got to protect identities), and he was the one that basically brought me and Coach together. You see Paul is from Boston and visited Coach for a week. Well he wanted to fly back early and before he did Coach took him by the gym. That is the day that I happened to be going to the gym. It was a Friday (March 2nd). I was doing my legs and Coach was doing his arms. Well if Paul hadn't been going home early I probably wouldn't have seen Coach and we most likely wouldn't be together now. If he had left Saturday I would have been in the gym, but would have never been in the back room cause it was my cardio day. Just funny how that all works.

 There is a lot I remember about that day. Very well in fact. Paul was writing down what Coach was telling him about his reps and weights etc. The thing I remember the most though is this. Coach was flexing in the mirror and had this rope with knots in it ever inch or so. He had Paul measure his arm. I also remember coach was a little miffed cause his arm didn't have big of a pump as it should. Funny the things you remember huh? Well I'll be the one doing the measuring. Actually we should do that. Make a log book. I know Coach wants to track his progress.

I saw this picture of Chris Duffy around the same time me and Coach started talking. Even though Coach is not that much taller than me it just makes me think of us. Me resting my head on his very muscular chest. Him holding me tight. It's a cute picture that makes me smile so much. Makes me a happy boy.

So Adam has mentioned that he can hear the happiness in my writing and it makes him happy.Well I'm glad. Shows he's a true friend. Sadly I can't say the same for others. I know going forward there will be some guys who will go out of their way to say we don't belong together. They will try to break us up to get one or the other. They will talk just to talk. With that in mind I couldn't help but remember this song. I heard it for the first time when I went to a movie with my mom. Don't remember which movie even. It was a few years later that I finally got it on my iPod. It's a great message. The imagery was perfect for the song. Oh and look out for Ray J. His appearance is just funny. He just randomly pops up while Brandy is singing. Made me out right chuckle.

So much....happiness

I'm flat out happy. Just flat out feeling joy everywhere. Towards everyone (mostly). The reason is me and Coach had an amazing date. I mean I don't know where to begin. I don't know what to say. I guess I'll start from the beginning. I got to the Olive Garden like 5 minutes to 9 where coach was already there plus had a table cause he got out early. Which proves that we have to get him a cell phone. Anyway he had fun with our waiter who is going to be competing in a bodybuilding competition. So he was content until I got there.
The dinner was great. And also proves that I will not be able to out eat Coach. We had great conversation. Had to switch seats cause he was getting a little ADD being able to see the waiters coming and going out of the kitchen. Had some laughs and finished about 10 minutes to closing. From there we went back to my office at the store. I knew that everyone would be gone so we could be alone without worrying about neighbors or the cleaning crew. Back there we just had such a loving night. A lot of kissing. A lot of talking. A lot more action. So much happened in the little time we were there. Well it felt like a little time. It was like an hour and a few minutes actually. Anyway we exchanged gifts. He literally gave me the shirt off his back to keep. I gave him the bull dog shirt he's been wanting. In a medium. I should have made him wear it so I can see what it looks like. Oh I'm sure I will soon enough. Anyway we kissed and I looked him in the eyes and said I love you. I saw it sink in and it nearly brought him to tears. Hell we both were close to tears at different points in the night. It was the hottest time I've ever had. My dick did not go down. And if it did it didn't go too far down. I was lifted up twice. And squatted as well. It was very physical. A lot of pushing back and pushing into walls. I took control as well. I slapped him around (in a healthy sexual way not an abusive way). Gave him a good spanking and had him flex for me. I know it was a good day cause my throat hurts. When I get turned on I get a little friskier with my blowjobs. And having him flex while I was sucking him definitely had me sucking his dick a little harder. He even wore his dog collar for part of it (which we will so be using later). And we will need to invest in a gag for him. If we go to a resort I don't need a call saying there is a noise complaint about a wild hog in heat. Yes he's that loud when he cums. There was just so much that happened that I can't describe it all. Just know I have a picture of coach on my phone (for our eyes only) of him in a leather vest and his dog collar to remind me of this amazing night. I love him so so much. Oh and as for the rest of my gifts. I gave him the underwear I slept in and worked out in. And we cleaned up the cum with it. He got to keep that. I also gave him condoms and lube. What use do I have for them at home. I'm not sleeping with anyone else. There is only one guy I want. We will not be having sex at my place so he's keeping it. Basically it was a physically representation of my devotion for him. Just a flat out all around great date.
Then I got home. I had told my ex Olive Garden closed at 11 (cause on the website it said that it did). Well I had called up earlier in the day and she informed me it closed at 10. Well I forgot (and actually truly did forget) to tell my ex. So I get home at like 11:37 thinking oh crap. It's so late I'm going to get chewed out. Then there was a note on the board that said I stayed up for you. With the restaurant closing at 11, I expected you at 11:20. That's what I get for being nice :(. There was in fact a sad face on the board. So I went in my room changed (and put on underwear), sent off an e-mail to coach then went out to go brush my teeth. He calls out from his room how was it. I tell him (without saying any details or that it Olive Garden closed at 10) it went well and I think it was special, but we will see in the coming days. Said good night and as I'm laying there he yells you're welcome for staying up waiting for you. I just said thank you. Then he says I would like some appreciation without being stepped on all the time. Yep that's truly what he said. I told him he can go to sleep I have my keys. Well it's actually a good excuse to tell him I'll be gone Friday night through Monday evening. I'm going up to see my Dad's for a visit then Sunday night going over to Coach's place to spend the night. I won't be telling my ex about that last part. I plan on saying it's to protect our friendship. That the apartment has become a hostile environment and I need to get away from the apartment, the store, and the city for a little bit. If we stay on this path it's going to be hard to stay friends. I'll even mention that I talked to Coach about it (which I have awhile ago) and he agreed it's a good thing to do. I'll tweak it so it doesn't sound like I said I was getting away from my ex, even though we all know that's one reason why I'm going.
Despite all that happened last night after the amazing date, I'm still in a good mood. It was a great date with a great guy and I look forward to many more. I look forward to being able to fall asleep in his arms which I almost did. Or have him fall asleep while I kiss his head and neck which he almost did as well. I look forward to all aspects of a relationship with Coach. Being able to share with him, having him as a shoulder to cry on and vice versa, fights and making up (can't see a lot of those), cuddling watching movies, going on trips, etc. All the things in a relationship besides just the sexual. We know sexually we are fine, but it's only one aspect of a true relationship. Looking back at it I don't think I ever really had that with my Ex. Or if I did it was only at the start of the relationship. I don't remember ever being content just being with my ex like I am with Coach. Don't really remember missing him much, since we lived together for so long and that was a mistake. Me and Coach are moving at the perfect speed for us. Slow enough that we still feel independent and get to know each other, but fast enough that we aren't up in the air wondering where we stand. It's a happiness and joy I wish for all of my friends and family. That includes my ex. And to an extent the guys that didn't workout. Actually I did find out that one guy I was going to possibly date, until he stopped talking to me, was in a relationship since last Wednesday (22nd) and the relationship is over today. At 6 am to be exact (we are facebook friends). I've been there and it sucks. I had no hard feelings toward him and didn't wish for him to be treated like that.
It's safe to say that there were two feelings last night. A very sexual feeling where we could fuck in front of the pope and this deep love that's hard to explain. Which actually fits with the videos I wanted to post today. The first is George Micheal's Outside and Brandy's Have you Ever. I think those two songs fit how both of us felt about the night. This need to express ourselves where ever we can even outside, but also not being able to put into words how we feel. Oh and Coach just loves George Michael in cop drag. Well it was pretty hot I will admit that. I do love music videos that tell a story that goes along with the music.

Date Night

Tonight is finally date night with Coach. Oh and boy do I need the pick me up wink wink nudge nudge. This weekend I'm going to go hang out with my dads then heading over to stay with Coach for a night. By Friday I will be needing to leave town and my ex for awhile. I know he'll call it selfish, but hey I'm allowed right now. Anyway it's going to be a special night. Dinner at the Olive Garden then exchanging gifts and a few other things wink wink. He's going to give me a shirt he has worn all day and I'll be giving him my underwear that I have worn since last night and through a back/shoulder workout. A leg workout would have been better, but that's not until Friday. We are also exchanging a few other gifts. I'm giving Coach something that will show my complete and total dedication to him. I'm not saying what it is here because Coach reads this blog, but will obviously talk about it tomorrow. I just can't wait and am totally counting down the hours. Can't get here soon enough that's for sure.
Yesterday we also looked into going to a gay resort some time after Thanksgiving. That's why I told that joke on twitter. The one that said what not to bring at a gay resort, a blacklight. Well I guess if you are into that it won't matter. Anyway we think we found one that isn't too far from here. It's kinda a quaint cabin. Nothing fancy. We aren't looking to stay at some fancy hotel. We want a place to spend time with each other where we aren't spending an arm and a leg and will have plenty to do together. I can say I am loving the pace that this relationship is going. Not so fast that we are putting rings on each other's fingers, but not so slow that we are both blowing in the breeze wondering if the other like likes (ha always love saying that) us back. Been dealing with that last one A LOT. Glad I don't anymore cause clearly we both like like (ha) each other a lot.

I was going to post this yesterday, but well got a little side tracked.Yes that is a picture of me. And before you say something no I don't shave. I'm just naturally hairless chest wise. If you zoom in (a lot) you can see a few chest hairs, but for the most part I don't have any. My dad has some chest hair but not a lot. Most black guys don't have a lot of chest hair. And before you ask that no I'm not mixed. It's a recessive gene thing. I have light skin and red hair. And I can prove it to. Just ask coach he's seen it. Anyway this was after a chest workout when I took this. Clearly I'm not as big as the coach.

Now dare to compare. I'm about 165ish. (164-166 depending on the day). Coach at the time of this picture was 174. That's about a 10-8lbs difference in our weight, but clearly he is a lot bigger. We are the same height btw. No one believes he's only 174, but it's pretty believable for me to be 165ish. So you can see why I'm a happy camper that Coach finds me sexy. And also why I don't really want to put on a ton more weight. I love the fact that coach can lift me and kinda throw me around. Plus I do have him beat on one thing. I have a bigger dick. It's one black stereotype I'm glad is true for me. None of you will see that cause that belongs to coach, but trust me on this. And trust coach cause he certainly isn't complaining.
I will say that being with coach has boosted my ego and self esteem. I would have never posted that picture of me before. Hell I only posted a picture of me in a jock one time on twitter and I felt terrible for a long time afterwards. Now look at that. I posted a shirtless photo of me. Funny how things happen. Well I'm in a good mood and so can't wait for tonight. We are going to have so much fun. Not just the after part, but the whole date. Feels like it's been weeks since we last saw each other, but it only has been 8 days. Least I get to see him twice this week. Well I guess twice next week. On sunday and then that wednesday.
EDIT: Was talking to coach and he sent me over this video. It's one of the many George Michael songs he works out to. This one is called Flawless. Now yes I do agree that Coach is flawless, but that's not why he sent it. It's a song that talks about the inner beauty we all have and he wanted to thank George Michael for not being afraid to be who he is. Plus the music video is pretty cool. Life is so much easier when you accept yourself for who you are. It's one of the reasons why I'm working on me.

Hmm....what to say

Well before I get started. If you are looking for this weeks videos posts and don't want to scroll down then just click here. Now with that out of the way I can focus. No doubt I had a great week last week. And I had a great weekend....until Sunday night. Amazing how about an hour of negativity can really screw up a week full of positivity.
So let me start kinda from the beginning. This week I promised to spend with my ex to work on our friendship. We had a great week. Yesterday we saw spider-man at a theater that shows movies after they are out of most theaters. We went and had dinner together. Had a lot of good laughs. So we get home around 8 and I get up the balls to say hey on Tuesday I have a date. He seemed ok with it. Asked general questions. Then came how old is. I told him 45 and then he got quiet. And got up to go to his room. So I was like well I got the silent treatment kinda saw that coming. Then he came out and said that he felt hurt. He had justified in his mind that we didn't work because of age, even though I've said it was other things. Then came the guilt trip. He doesn't understand why I go for older guys. He could understand if it was a 25 year old or a 35 year old. If he was gorgeous he would understand but he suspected not. Yes you heard right. He jumped to the conclusion that coach was ugly because of his age. Needless to say I was pretty upset, but I pulled myself together. I pulled up bear on my phone, showed him his profile and said I don't know if it will make you feel better but here he is. Yeah that shut him up about that. Yes I should have taken the high road and let him stew and thing he was ugly. Not like he's dating coach, but well I do have pride in my guy and don't like for anyone to bad mouth him without meeting him.
Then came me trying to explain why it didn't and won't work between him (my ex) and me. Oh well that got him pissed off and angry and yelling and crying. Through all of this I was calm. Almost eerily calm. Like what I had talked to coach about earlier in the week. I said I thought we were having a conversation. You got to say your piece and now it's my turn. Yeah that threw him and he sat down. Now at this point he was unreceptive, but I still talked. Then after him trying to make me feel bad (sadly it worked) he eventually went to bed. I brushed my teeth and answered a few e-mails from coach. Then as I was coming out my ex called me into his room and once again talked to me. Yes that's right him talking more to me. Saying I need to hang in there with him. Know that it's hard for him. He even started the conversation by asking how many promises had he broke?  Then asking how many I broke. To which there is only one I haven't. Yeah great way to get someone receptive. At that point I pretty much had blocked him out. Something about being there for me, but it will be hard blah blah blah.
So this morning and kinda now I was pretty pissed. Then at the gym I heard this song. It just hit me. It was the song A Dream is a Wish Your Heart Makes (which is right below this paragraph). The line was:
No matter how your heart is grieving
If you keep on believing
The Dream that you wish will come true
So what does that mean? (and btw don't judge my choice in music. I like the song so sue me)Well my dream in this instance was for my ex to truly be my friend and to truly accept me and the guy I want to be with. After that I just felt calmer. Trust me this post was going to be a whole lot worse. And then something my dad said to me yesterday also sank in. You see me and my dad are not overly spiritual people. My dad does believe in God (no I'm not getting preachy here just setting the scene) and angels and he calls them the family. When something good happens he (and his girlfriend) thank the family. Basically the family provides you with what you need even if you didn't know you needed it. Last week I got a lot of what I needed. Someone that loves me and cares for me. Treats me with respect and doesn't make me feel bad. Found an mp3 cassette tape player thing which I was going to go out and buy. With all that happening the song had a greater impact. I needed to hear that. I needed it to feel at peace with what has happened, and I have the family to thank for having it play at that instance with my mp3 player on shuffle. I don't know if my ex will ever be ok with me dating another guy. Don't know if we will truly be able to be friends, but that is my dream. Now you can call this stupidity, naivety, battered wife syndrome, or whatever but well it's me. He claims I never gave him a 2nd chance, but I have and will continue to give him many more. They may not be chances at dating me again, but they are chances at a friendship. I will have my hand out. Even after he slaps it away time and time again. Probably until it gets to the point things won't change and still I'll hold my hand out. I know this may not make Coach happy, but well it's how I am. I will keep trying to be friends with my ex. It may mean I have to take some time away from him, but I do want him in my life as a friend.  

Videos

So I'm posting a little backwards now. Once a week I'll do my video posts, but what will be pretty much the first post is well my journal post. Not like this post will be hard to find just a shock to some. Well first up is Ricky Sinz and Preston Steel. This is honestly a very sexy scene. Basically Preston is some tourist and Ricky is a nice guy that let's him stay in his place to get out of the rain. It is pretty obvious what Ricky wants, but just the set up and that kinda teasing was hot. Lead to a really hot scene. It's another one of those few scenes I wanted to watch from start to finish. This next post I know I did before, but well it's too hot not to repost. It's the scene with Alexsander Frietas and Ari Silvo (I believe). It skips over the first couple of minutes and goes straight to when the action starts. It's very much a muscle worship scene as well as a fucking scene. And it always gets me boned up. Third up is Toby Parks and Luca Borromeo. I really have nothing to add about this scene. It's just fucking hot. Watch it. Last up is a scene from Firemen use the pole. Damien is the big bottom in this scene. I do have a thing for the guy. Big guy that loves to fuck and get fuck. Wish he didn't retire, but time moves on.

Only 5 days

It has only been 5 days since my first date with Coach. It's hard to believe huh? And we have just grown so much. We talk all the time. We talk about our future and what we are looking forward to. I can't think of a single negative thing coach has told me in this time. I can't say that about anyone else. Say what you want about my past dates and relationships, but they all have taught me a thing or two. The one thing that for sure they have told me is that I'm easily dominated. What the guy wants takes over what I want. So slowly but steadily I've been trying to be more vocal about what I want. With Coach I don't have to try. We have talked about tons of things and he's encouraging me to be more dominant. He actually loves when I do. It's great. We share a lot of things and it's easy to see why we were taken advantage of and why we stayed in bad relationships, but not anymore. And the happiness we share has really transferred to our bodies. I feel more energized, I'm hungrier now, and just have had better workouts. So has the coach. He's also bent on marking his territory. Which is good because I'm certain planing on doing the same to him ;).
He actually changed his Bear profile picture back to what it was when we originally talked on there. And he changed his profile basically saying that he has a guy who loves and cares for him the way he is and he's happy. I'd change mine as well, but sadly too many guys on there know about me and my situation and I don't need them telling my ex before I've even told him that I'm going on a date. So once all that's done I will. I am letting everyone know I'm not going out with them so they can stop flirting. Why is it when you go off the market then suddenly everyone is interested in you? 
So with that said here is the part I promised last night. Coach did a pec workout last night and sent me some pictures. Not just for me, but to post on my blog. This is him marking his territory and me saying look what I got. Remember boys he's mine and I'm not sharing.

 To be honest I don't think these pictures do him justice. Now yes maybe this is just wanting the best for my boyfriend, but it's is true. I've seen pictures of him before our date and then when he walked up I was blown away at how much more massive he was. I mean his arms are HUGE!

 So as you can see this is why I was kinda reluctant to go full out. I didn't want him to think I only wanted him for his body. Yes his body is great and I've had many graphic dreams as to what I'd do to him, but I had to make sure that he knew I liked him for much more than his mind. And once I admitted my fear the truth revealed itself.

 I am protective of him. I get super pissed off when anyone treats him wrong. I support and encourage him in every thing he does. I feel safe and comfortable in his arms. So with all of that what did I finally realize. After coach said it first.

I love him and he loves me. That's what his gut has been telling him for quite some time. And what mine was trying to say. The physical attraction is there for the both of us. We both knew that right off the bat. So we have been focusing on the emotional. With all of the ground work I had done already and knowing what I want out of a guy it was kinda obvious. So I'm his and he's mine. I'm happy. And with that said I probably won't post tomorrow. Just because it's Sunday and even I need a rest from my deep thoughts. All million of them. Man I love looking at coach's pictures. Luckily I'll be playing with all of that muscle bull beef soon. Just not soon enough for my taste.

Big Step

So....I had my big breakthrough last night/this morning. As some of you (specifically adam) may know coach has been reading and commenting on my blog as well. And I do read those comments and process them. Well last night I couldn't help but think about Coach. Not just what it would be like to be in bed with him, but all those other things. Going on trips together. Working out together. Going grocery shopping together (and with coach we'd be doing that a lot). Basically all that couple stuff. Then I thought about all the stuff we could do in bed. As I've said before and will continue to say my dick is very much tied to my emotions. Last night I had one of the thickest and strongest erections I've had....well...ever. I don't view myself as having a big dick (other guys say differently), but last night it felt like yeah I had a whopper. So that told me something. I got up to go to the gym and on the way over there I was listening to voicemails the Coach left me and thinking of ways to save them. Then I heard quite a few love songs on my mp3 player. The last song being It's Gonna Be Me by N*SYNC. Yes I have that song on my mp3 player don't judge and you are missing the point. That song is basically about how this girl has been hurt by past relationships and N*SYNC is trying to convince her that she should take a chance and it will be worth it. Well I had this flash thinking I don't want Coach thinking and feeling that. Feeling like he's constantly having to prove that he'd be good for me. It's a thought that actually made me pretty sad so I sent him an e-mail. By now I assume he read it so I'll give you all the highlights.
Basically we are in a relationship. The big thing that made me realize that was Adam's last comment about when you know you know. So yes he's my boyfriend and I'm his. Hell he's been wanting to say it to me forever. I'm not seeing anyone else, nor do I want to. I listen to my gut on so many things. I just had to get some of my baggage out of the way before I could accept it. Couch is not like the other guys I dated. He is worth this leap of faith.
I think one thing that was holding me back is that I felt like I was being shallow. We all have a physical type we are attracted to. I say I do like a guy bigger then me taller or weight wise. Well I do have my limits and a lot of the guys I was dating were over weight (except my most recent ex). I was attracted to them, but not like I am to Couch. I just felt a little guilt like I was being a hypocrite. Well nothing wrong with knowing your type and when you find it being super attracted to it. Especially when this person is clearly more than eye candy. Let me set up what I'm talking about. Couch is 5' 6" (so either I'm taller or he's taller in the right shoes), 174 lbs (but if you were to see him you'd swear he's over 200 because the dude is thick), bald, has a beard, and is starting to let the fur grow back on his body. And he has 2 tattoos with a third on the way that says MANBEAST on his back. Now you have that in your head. What do you think his personality is without taking into account anything I have said? You'd probably think he's a prick, into himself, very intimidating, etc. Well he's not any of that. He's smart, funny, caring, nurturing, and so much more. As much as I know it will go to his heads (yes that was an innuendo) he is what I would define as the perfect guy for me. So you can see how that lead to some guilt or worry that I was just into him for the wrong reasons, but well I like him for all the right reasons. What's wrong with appreciating a guy putting hard work into his body? What's wrong with like a guy's personality and finding it utter charming? Nothing. I like Coach for all the right reasons and I'm done holding myself back from feeling what I obviously feel. Pretty good for a week of solo therapy sessions of blogging.
So to sum it up. Fuck anyone that thinks I'm moving too fast. No one is the same. I know who I am, I've talked forever about what I want. I see it and I'm going for it. I'm not letting fear or peer pressure make me lose out on an amazing man that no doubt would give me YEARS of happiness....Wow now I'm in a really good mood. Amazing how that happened.

I saw this picture and I just had to post it. If this was a picture of me and Coach, I'd be the one on the left hand side and he'd be on the right. Yeah Coach is that much bigger than me. I kinda like my weight, but once he gets up to his 200lbs I might want to get up to 175. I'm at 165 now. I want to be smaller than him, but just bulk up a bit.
EDIT:So this song will officially not stop playing in my head and I think it accurate describes my feelings. I'm so excited and I clearly can't hide it. As if I wasn't already gay enough. On the plus side I'm clearly 100% gay cause that bath tub scene did nothing for me. I know tons of ladies will be disappointed knowing that.

One of the best days in a long time

I think it's safe to say I have been a Debbie Downer lately....ignoring this week that is. Stuff with my ex and problems finding a guy. It all got to me I know. Well today has been just...amazing. I worked out some stuff with my ex. Last night we were actually pleasant to each other. We joked around like we use to. We made each other smile. We woke up this morning and hit the gym. We teased each other like we use to. It lead to a great chest workout. The best I've had in sooo long. And on top of that I found one of those cassette mp3 players. You know the ones where you put the cassette in the tape player then hook up your mp3 player then you can play your mp3 on a boombox or your radio if you have one with that like I do.
Now the great news with my ex has actually lead to even more progress with Coach. I have kept the movie stubs from our first date and I'm thinking about starting a collection. Of just important stuff. Like if we say we are in a relationship getting ice cream I might keep the paper from the cone. You know a keep sake to just go through and recount memories. I've seen others do that, but I always thought it was cheesy. Guess it goes to show I've grown just a little. I also want to take at least one picture on a date with my phone. Also as a reminder. To see the natural progression I guess. And how much progression me and Coach have made. I mean it seems like we are just days away from going (Un PC joke about to be used) full blown lesbian and moving in together. Yes we agree that we are waiting until closer to June to figure out if I am moving in with him (he has a home). We are also not saying we are boyfriends just yet. I said I needed a month, but I can't see myself lasting longer than 2 weeks if we continue at this progress. And saying the L word. I think that will be following the boyfriend declaration pretty closely. This relationship has grown so quickly. We have been so honest and up front. Which is great that we have that communication. That was my biggest problem in past relationships. I felt dominated. Like if I said the wrong thing it would lead to a fight so I felt like I couldn't talk about certain things. With my first ex, it seemed like I couldn't ever talk about my gay friends. I was always accused of cheating. With my current ex I didn't feel right about talking about my sexuality or sexual fantasies or needs. Again I felt like if I mentioned it I'd make him feel bad. I'm 23. Sex is sadly more important to me than I would like it to be.
With all that in mind I've been honest with Coach. I've told him about my ex (which is one reason why it's ok for him to see my blog), told him about my sexual fantasies, and a bit about my past. He's been nothing but supportive and encouraging as I have with him. This guy is a catch and I'm wanting to grab him in the net before anyone else tries to claim him. Well the funny thing about that is that he isn't looking. He's just focusing on me, school, and his workouts. I believe him. So far haven't seen a red flag that says I shouldn't. And the guy is willing to get another chastity device (yes he had one before), lock himself up and give me the key. Meaning I would be in charge of his pleasure and have a reminder of him all the time....assuming I didn't lose it. That does say a lot. Yet the news gets better. Well more for you guys than me. He's actually willing to take pictures of himself when he starts gaining for progress and I would get to post them. Of course y'all would never see his face. You'll just have to trust me he's a sexy bear. And a great kisser too.
Not only do we talk about sex (obviously), but we have talked about our pasts. Understand how we deal with conflict. Even talking about in the future what we would like to do. In the future (like a year to 2 from our first date or so) we will probably exchange rings. Get all that fun legal and medical paper work signed and might even hyphen our names. It would be a mouthful, but just as a sign that we are together. Even talked about tattoos. He's going to get MANBEAST tattooed on his back. Me I'd get something a bit more personal down the road. I currently have 3 tattoos and I do want a fourth, but if we get as close as it feels like we will it will be a personal one. A lock and key on my left pec. The key would have my initials and the lock his. Then (upside down maybe. haven't decided) we would have the initials of our nicknames for each other. My nickname would be on the lock and his nickname would be on the key. Just to show we are connected and versatile as well. And don't get me started on the piercings. I might be getting my nipple pierced. Yes just one. Yeah a lot to think about, but well we both aren't one of these just let it happen guys for the most part. We will be patient, but sometimes it's nice to just have a plan for some time down the line.
If these good days continue this blog may become an actual blog instead of a "smut" blog.....yeah right. Well I had mentioned that he's going to have to be careful cause my heart is starting to come out and get on my sleeve. Well that reminded him of a song and sent it to me. He sends me a lot of songs. Don't worry he'll be listening to my songs when I strap him in the car and have my music blasting. Most of which is not in English. It's why I tend to not send him songs in return. That and I feel like my songs are all cheesy.

I'm chatty this week.

I'm in a kinda chatty mood this week. Got a lot roaming around in my head that I need to get out. If you are looking for the video post for this week then click here. So yesterday I mentioned how awesome my first date with Coach went (and no that isn't him in the picture but does remind me of him if Coach had more tattoos and a lot more gray hairs). And he saw the post and left a little comment. It's on yesterday's post which can be found here. This morning I found myself analyzing things. yeah cause I don't do that enough. I was trying to figure out what makes Coach different. What truly makes him different from any of the guys I've had the fun of meeting this past year? Well let's go through the list shall we.
There was Brock that got me to realize I wasn't happy with my ex (which I knew, but wouldn't admit to). The guy that went on and on about how he wanted a relationship with me. How I was the only guy he wanted a relationship. How he could get any guy he wanted because he's the best of the best. Yeah after I broke up with my ex he sure was no where to be found. Hell didn't even try to talk to me anymore. Actually didn't really try to talk to me when he was "interested".
Then there was Scott. Scott was dating someone at the time he met me. So yes I was the other guy. Not something I'm proud of. Well Scott wanted me, then didn't, then did, then didn't and met this guy on manhunt, moved in with him after a month and as far as I know is still dating him. I tried to be friends with Scott, but he liked to treat me like a slept with every guy in town or was planning to. I stood up for myself and shocker he unfriended me and isn't talking to me. So there are two of my winners.
Then there was the string of Tommys. Tommy 1 made himself out to be a guy looking for a relationship. I asked him out on a date. He said yes. It was a date on New Years. At any time he could have canceled. A friend of mine who knows him said oh you'll have a great time etc. Well he stood me up to go to the bar. Then there was Tommy 2 who seemed interested as well. Met him on bear, but the thing about Tommy 2 is that he's a cheap bastard. We were suppose to meet at McDonalds, but no couldn't do that. So I said hey let's go on a date. He said ok I have a coupon for [insert restaurant name here]. The thing about that restaurant is that a $20 gift card only covers one person there and I was not dishing out $20 for a date unless I was sure. So I suggested a less expensive place. Oh no he couldn't go out on a date cause he just didn't have the money. Couldn't even order an appetizer or buy a sandwich for 6 bucks. Then there was Tommy 3. Tommy 3 seemed like a nice guy actually responded back to texts. Then I asked him out and I stopped hearing from Tommy 3. Funny how that happened.
Then there was what's his name. No really I can't remember the fake name I gave him. Well he was the 20 year old that wanted to date me cause at the time I was talking to Tommy 3 and trying to get a date with him. Well Tommy 3 fell through and the guy he was kinda dating at the time didn't want to be in a relationship with him. So we went on a date. Dated for about a month. The whole time he was saying he didn't know what he wanted and that we were dating, but we weren't dating. Then eventually broke up with me on a facebook message saying he didn't want to lead me on, but he didn't want a relationship. He wasn't sure what he wanted.  Then a month later he's in a relationship and even though he wanted to be friends couldn't say more than 3 things to me. Well he has broke up with that guy and I think he's trying to get at me again or actually is trying to be my friend. Too late for him.
Then we had the guy that I talked to for a week straight. Thought I had a good connection with. He saw pictures of me and I saw pictures of him. We went out on the date and he couldn't date me because I look too young. Funny cause when you ask people on a street they all say I look 25-27ish. I'm 23. Take that however you want. I asked my friends who have seen my pictures and me and they all say no you look like you do in your picture and no you don't look like you are younger than 23.
Then we had another what's his name. Oh he was a fun one. Met him on gay.com. He messaged me first so I thought oh hey this is a good sign. We went out on a date. At his place. Because he didn't have a car. At the end of the date I said I'd like to see you again. He said the same. We went out on a 2nd date. At his house again. Well actually we were going to see a movie but got side tracked. Now inbetween the dates it was hard to get in contact with him. Plus this was around the time my ex's mother was in poor health. Well on the third date I asked him are we dating and he said well he just got back in the dating game and isn't sure if he's ready to be exclusive yet (our conversations would point to otherwise). At this point I stopped trying to contact him then out of the blue he says he wants me to meet his family, but not to read anything into it. My ex's mother had died the day before so I couldn't go. That was pretty much the last time we really talked.
Then came the string of long distance guys. Two of which wanted to date me, but when I said hey let's talk on the phone suddenly that was moving too fast and I didn't hear from them. Then most recently were the two bears. One of which was a red head who lives 3 hours away. We both agreed that we are better off friends. He isn't a person that likes to stay in one place so it wouldn't have been good. We still talk to this day. Then there was the transgender bear. That was going really well for awhile. Then I started to get lucky if I got a response back to a text or even a conversation started from him.
So as you can see the bar was not set very high, but no that's not the thing that makes me feel Coach is different. What makes me feel he's different isn't just the fact that he's no doubt the most in shape guy I went on a date with. It's not because he's the only one that talks to me several times during the day. It all boils down to I think that I'm at this place where I know what to look for. I know the big red flags and Coach hasn't given me any. With him it really feels like a give and take. It feels like there are areas he's good at and there are area's I'm good at and we strengthen the other. Like he had no clue about the punch buggy game. On our first date I saw a silver bug and I say silver one and punch him in the shoulder (which actually kinda hurt. That dude is solid). Then he's like why did you hit me (like he felt it). I said because of the silver punch buggy and point to it. And he just gives me this confused look. So I explain the game and said you seriously never played that growing up. He said no. Yes there is an age difference between us, but I thought EVERYONE knew that game. Actually thinking about it I don't think he needs to know that game. A punch from him would paralyze my shoulder for awhile. Anyway it's also that I feel comfortable sharing with him. He knows about my ex. He knows quite a bit of my baggage and he still wants to know me. We are talking about a lot of long term things as well as short term like dates. Never have I had this super strong urge to call someone my boyfriend, but know that it's too early. Normally I'd just say it and that was that. Also my like like (ha that's also an enemy on legend of Zelda.....I'm such a nerd) is very much evolving. Before long I know we both will be saying it, but we both want to take this slowly. Never had that. This is why I think it's worth taking a risk and hopefully my gut is right. I mean there have been tons of signs that seem to push us together. Our zodiac signs are perfectly compatible. Our birthdays are on the same day of the week on any given year. We started lifting on the same day a year apart from the other. And I'm sure there is a whole lot more. My heart and gut say go at it with full force and don't hold back, but then again my heart and gut told me that some of these other guys were going to be good. So my brain is keeping them in check, but even he's starting to say all signs point to letting him in fully and just call him your boyfriend.
Oh and Adam you really are awesome. Thank you for all the luck and support you have given. I'm a firm believer in what goes around comes around and I think what is coming your way is something truly great. And when it comes I will be the one cheering the loudest for you.
Coach has shared with me some of the songs that are near and dear to him From Frank Sinatra and Judy Garland. So far my favorite has been the one I will post here. For Once in My Life. Fits with all that I have been saying and what I'm kinda feeling. Btw Coach is a really good singer and when he sings a Frank Sinatra song he really does sound like him. He has said it and said others have said it, but when you hear it yourself it's pretty amazing. I recently shared a song with him. Life is a Boat which was the first ending theme for Bleach. It's in both English and Japanese. The English part is what I really connect to. It starts off very uncaring. Very negative. Exactly how I feel after a set back like the guys mentioned above, but it progresses. Get's more cheerful and upbeat. And I think it's safe to say I'm kinda getting to the end of the song feeling.

So excited I could burst

....Now looking at that title it makes it sound like I'm super aroused. Well I am, but not what I was going for. Oh well not changing it now. Laziness kicked in. Anyway I'm so excited for so many reasons. I had a date with coach (one of the nicknames he likes me to use and I like to use on him). It was by far the best first date I've ever had. It was great for sooo many different reasons. So why don't I just tell it all? Oh and FYI that picture isn't of coach, but of Rocky LaBarre. He sent that picture to me in an e-mail awhile back. I just thought it was perfect cause coach sent me a picture of him in a mask and it did look like what was painted on Rocky.
He came by the store around 5. That way we could talk and I could show him the store and get rid of any shyness. Now you have to keep in mind that we have been talking for quite some time. And we've talked about quite a lot of different things from what we except from a guy to what we like in bed. My shyness and nervousness was mostly from the fact that I always over analyze. Well he came in early. I had just got up because I just had this feeling he was here. And I mean he was just built. Rock solid muscle stud. That of course got something a little stirred up and aroused. Well we started talking about supplements and what not then I took him to the back room. My intention was to talk, but screw talking when you could kiss. And we did that for a good 10 minutes. All that time I was feeling all that muscle and power in his body. He even picked me up a couple of times. So needless to say I wasn't nervous anymore. He then grabbed some Burger King after we finally got unattached and brought it over while I closed up. We then ate and talked some more. Once done and all locked up we kissed some more. And that's when we could get a bit more wild. Shirts were off pants were at their ankles and dicks were hard. We kissed, he picked me up some more, I got to worship that sexy body. We even did just a little oral. Coach and I have talked about sex and agreed when we do have sex it will be in privacy when we both are ready. It wouldn't be on the first date so doing that kinda helped with that thirst. From the store we went to the theater.
We saw the movie Hope Springs. And I will say if you want a romantic movie to take your boyfriend or girlfriend to then go see that movie. It was a very touching movie and a great first date movie. Well for those that have really been talking and are wanting to do something like a marriage down the road. Anyway we get into the theater and he kinda cris crosses our arms. That entire movie we were touching. I've never had that during a movie. And I will say at first I was a little uncomfortable when people started coming in, but I never pulled away. Mainly because as nervous as I got I was also comforted by his touch. And there were several times during a romantic scene or something that he would whisper over and say something to me or squeeze my hand tighter or hold me closer when his arm was over my shoulder. I have never felt so connected to a movie before. The funny thing is what the counselor (Steve Carell) was telling this couple was a lot of what we were already doing. Telling each other our fantasies, touching, discussing feelings, interests, etc.
Then as if the night couldn't get any better we visited a park. He took off his shirt and put on a leather jacket (sexy). We sat in the park and looked at some pics of his home and him in the gym. We cuddled some more and then he started singing a little Sinatra. The guy loves Frank Sinatra and has 33 cds of him. I can honestly say when he was serenading me I was holding him and kissing his neck and head and that was the moment when every fiber in my being said we are having a second date and that I really want to spend more time with this man.
Now we are trying to take it slow. He wants to say we are bf's but knows my apprehension and respects it. I told him I give guys a month before I really get invested. Usually by then they have shown their colors. Like if they won't answer e-mails or texts. If they won't try to get another date in or if it's all up to me. Honestly so far I'm seeing so many good things in Coach. He's a guy that if you were to see on the street you'd think he's mean or some stuck up bodybuilder, but he's just this big ole teddy bear. A teddy bear that loves to play dirty and rough sometimes, but still a teddy bear.
Well as we were walking to the car I asked to get some pictures of him. I got two that are for my eyes only. I'm not sharing them. I then sent him an e-mail thanking him for the wonderful time. And he wrote back a very long e-mail. To which I wrote an even longer response. Basically we both had a great time and look forward to more and doing more in the future.
I haven't been this happy in a long time. I see that what I had with my ex was special, but it wasn't this. This has me smiling every day. This has me waiting for his e-mail or phone calls. This has me just glad to be alive. I had the best leg workout I've ever had today. The only thing that changed was that I had a date with him. Well that and my ex.
That actually is a good transition into that. When I came home I found a typed letter under my pillow. Basically saying I had a decision to make. Either I wake him up at 5:30 so we can discuss how we move forward or why he should wait or I don't and we agree to just be friends. Well we are just friends. The relationship has turned pretty chilly as he warned me it would. I'm sure it's not going to get any better. So I called up one of my dads (not my real dads, but a couple I adopted as my dads) and said I'm coming up for a visit Labor Day weekend. I'm not going to be living in an apartment where it's that frosty. I know he's doing it to protect himself, but it's just driving a wedge further between us.
Well that's enough rambling for today. This was just a special occasion that I couldn't keep contained until next week. I'm also sharing this post with Coach. No ex is even aware of this blog. I just feel like he should see this post. Hope it makes him smile.

Videos

The first video involves guys on the Juror. It looks like this is halfway into this scene cause there is fuckign already going on. Then when that's done the three remaining guys have a threesome. If this happened on Juries then I don't think too many guys would be objecting to showing up. Well the gay ones anyway. Hell even the straight guys might enjoy getting a release. Then it's Luiz and loco. I think Latinbboyz does a great job with their scenes. They always seem to get guys that actually seem into the sex and each other. This one is no different. Plus I do have a thing for guys with tattoos. This third scene is a little trippy. I'm sure if you watched the whole movie it would make sense. It starts off with this sex scene. Apparently this one guy blacks out and goes on sex sprees. And this other guy loves him. Anyway it's just two sex scene with filler in the middle. The scenes are good the plot not so much. Then we have Jason branch fucking some scream like psycho. It's a weird scene, but also hot. And then at the end Jason "dies" for some reason. The rest of the videos have sadly been deleted. Oh well maybe more next time.



Homemade Couple Ass-Fuck - his video powered by YouPorn

A lot has happened

So a lot happened last week. For those of you that don't follow me on twitter or look over at the tweet feed from time to time didn't know that I have a date tonight. He's a very nice guy I met on bear. He's a guy that is a gainer. If you don't know what a gainer is and can't tell by the name then well there is no help for you. Basically gainers are guys (or girls) that are purposely trying to put on weight. Now unlike a lot of gainers he's not putting it on as fat. He's actually trying to gain muscle and go for the powerlifter look. Muscle without the definition of a bodybuilder. Look up World's Strongest Man competition for a good look. Or you can just look up Tony Maxium. Now the interesting thing about this guy is that we actually met before. March 2nd to be exact. I think I made a post about him, but I'm too lazy to go back and look for it. You'd think blogger would make it easy for me to go back to a certain date to find it. Basically I'd have to open up my own blog from the public view to find it. Anyway he was working out at my gym and was very loud and intense. There was a guy encouraging him and I figured they were a couple. Well I was half right. The guy encouraging him was from Boston I think visiting him for a week. That was the last day of his trip. It didn't workout for them cause neither was willing to move. Well he saw me on Bear and recognized me and we started talking and now I have a date with him. I'm really excited about it.
Now while I'm really excited for this date it has enlightened me to quite a few things. This is about to get very soap boxy so if you don't want to read it then just skip to the pictures. With that being said in talking to him over the past week he told me some very disturbing things. Not about him, but how he is being treated. He is a gainer and loves to flaunt his powerlifter belly. He got some guy in California (we live in Wisconsin) who messaged him telling him how disgusting he looks and how dare he call himself a bodybuilder. A guy went out of his way to tell another guy he will never meet he's ugly. And it's sadly not the first time. We call ourselves the gay community, but honestly how much community do we have. Just look at some comments on videos on tube sites. There are tons of racist comments, and comments about how ugly others are, or how fat, etc. How can we except others to treat us with respect if we can't even do that to others. Is it because most of us got so much hate from others that we can't help but project it? Is it because the male gender is a very visual based one? Is it because on the internet you can be as mean as you want with pretty much total anonymity? All I'm trying to say is that have some respect please. If you have nothing to say don't say anything at all. Yes I know sometimes I have a hard time sticking with this rule. If I have a major issue with someone I only bring it up here when it goes to far like I did with Scott Hall after he made a very rude ranting comment to a member on a site. And then someone related to him just made some very vicious comments here which I still have in my spam comment folder. Anyway this in fighting has to stop. If it keeps up I wouldn't be surprised if we start hearing about gay guys taking their life because of bullies on gay websites. A very scary thought indeed.

 There is a lot of emphasis on the front of guys. Not too much get's put on the backside other than the ass. Which is a shame. A nice strong back can help a lot in lifting a guy up during sex. Plus it's fun to feel those back muscles work. This guy has a great back and front. I just made sure to use the back picture in this case.

 This is kinda a good example of the powerlifter look. Yes you can see this guy has muscle, but also a bit of a belly. Now that belly could and probably is pretty solid. It's just the more emphasis on strength and building muscle rather than going for a certain look. This is kinda how bodybuilders are off season. I find nothing wrong with this look but a lot of guys do apparently.

 I have said it many times and it still holds true. I wish I had done gymnastics growing up. That is amazing. Gymnast just have a lot of natural strength and tend to have pretty good builds. I think having a look similar to this would have helped my self esteem growing up. Plus I might have found out I was gay a lot earlier than I did and found someone. I may not have. Can only guess now.

So the guy I'm going out on a date with looks somewhat like this guy. He has tattoos on both arms and is bald not a shaved head. And obviously he has a belly now. This is kinda how I remember seeing him in March. You can see why I'm pretty excited about this. Wish me luck.

Videos

This first video is a little odd. It just flat out starts off with a guy getting his dick sucked. It looks like it's going to be a foursome scene. Then all of a sudden the guy sucking the dick leaves and goes over to Hank Hightower and the guy that he was playing with. I didn't see a cum shot or even acting like the guy had cum so I just don't get it. Once I got past that it was a fine scene. I just have a problem with things that just randomly happen even in porn. Next up we have Bears in the woods. It's actually two different pairs in this scene. Jake Mitchell and Rik Kappus (think I got those two right) and then a muscle bear and I believe Conner Habbib. I'm terrible with names plus it's Monday give me a break. Anyway Jake and Mitchell actually fuck while the bear and conner just suck and hump. So you get four money shots for one scene. Yay. Third up is a vintage flip flop fuck. No set up just simply going at it which is always nice. The next vintage clip is Anthony Gallo getting fucked which is always hot. Sadly the quality isn't all that great. Last up is Tyler Reed fucking Rik Kappus. I really do need to make sure I have names right. Anyway they fuck in jocks (hot) and really seem to get into it. Those of you familiar with Tyler Reed might be a little shocked to know that this scene has him wearing a condom. Honestly I think that's a good thing. Mainly cause bare the dude is a beast fucking. Throw a condom on that reduced sensitivty. Well you have this. Woof.

Flip the coin

Before I get started I'd like to thank adam for the comments. I write this section more for me than for anyone else, but it is nice to know that there is someone out there who does actually care about what goes on with me besides the videos. Now onto today's topic. So let's flip the coin. How will my ex react this week? I'm starting to see my ex's problem more and more. He has this grandiose idea of what people should do. What I mean is that he got mad at me on Saturday basically because I didn't say thank you. Correction because I didn't say thank you enough. He got mad at me because I didn't respond fast enough to his e-mail. He got mad at me for my friends not reacting the right way. Oh where to start. How about the fact I fell asleep on a 20 minute drive because I was tired. Yeah he got mad at me cause I fell asleep in the car on the way to car shop which I didn't want to do. If he had paid attention to me he would have seen I was kinda getting groggy. This happened last week. Or how about when my parents called up after they saw my new car. I told them to thank my ex (I used his name not referred to him as my ex) and apparently I was just doing that for show. Or how about my favorite dig he does, I just don't care about him. And he wonders why I'm so confused. I'm confused as to if I should just leave his ass high and dry. Say fuck the lease fuck my job and just leave. Oh and then he gets mad at me for defending my friends. I mentioned last week that he sent this kinda swan song e-mail. None of us felt it was sincere, but it was the most sincere thing he wrote. Basically he was saying he was out of the picture and then got mad at them because they didn't try to fight harder to be his friend. I hold my tongue on a lot of things, but clearly I have to give this man a reality check. In a break up, most people naturally pick a side. I met these guys first and I talk to these guys more. Sorry if they just naturally move to my side. I don't send them long rambling e-mails and chew them out for not responding properly. Yes some people can stay friends with both parties after a break up. I tried to get my ex to see that, but no I was just defending them. So I stopped talking because apparently everything I say is the wrong thing. So then he says fine ignore me like you always do and slams the door. I sit there. I get up and start walking around with my arms crossed. I'm thinking of what I should do. If I should just continue to ignore him or confront him. He then comes out seems me doing this and assumes I'm going on the attack. I said I'm just thinking. No that's your angry posture you are going on an attack. Well that pissed me off and I did. Now I didn't interupt him during his whole tirade yet he loves to do it to me. So after I finished he shockingly left and went to bed. So how was Sunday. Seemed to get better then I seemed to piss him off again. Oh and 5 bucks says I'm going to piss him off again today. There was a letter I was suppose to mail out for him since I have stamps at the office and I forgot it at the apartment. Not on purpose. I thought I had it with me along with my insurance papers. Well turns out I didn't bring either so this will be my fault and me trying to sabotage him. The more arguments we have like this the more I want to just storm off and say since I'm such a bad friend and so selfish (his words not mine) I should just get out of your life. Yet then he will come back and say he didn't mean it and I'm his best friend and blah blah blah. If any of that was true we wouldn't be having so many arguments, but he expects me to know everything going on in his head. He expects me to always pull him up when he's down. He wants me to say these magic words to make everything better. He wants me to be in a relationship with him. After all I've seen and all the things he has said to me why would I do that? Why would I go back to him when I don't do anything right and I'm so selfish. Answer I won't. I'm not even entertaining the idea anymore. The only thing I'm trying to figure out is if I should say fuck you when the lease is over or not. And I'm leaning a lot towards the fuck you option. So taking bets. Will I piss off my ex once again this weekend or will he pretend like we are buddies. One thing to factor in is that I'm going tubing with friends this weekend. He was invited to come along, but couldn't. Yeah I'm leaning towards getting yelled at too.

I don't think I really can say it enough. I miss Carl Hardwick. Yes I know Rusty Jeffers is enjoying a bodybuilding career and I should be happy for him, but well' look at him. He just was such a great Colt model. Plus he reminds me of Colts golden time. When they seemed to do a really good job with movies. They are kinda getting back into the swing, but it's just not the same. I think if Carl would come back for one more video he would get these guys to see what made Colt so famous in the first place.
I don't know which one to choose. Both guys are very sexy and have nice builds. I do like facial hair, but the guy sucking his dick is very sexy. Do wish that they weren't shaved. I'm not hating on smooth guys, but I find it's more fun to play with guys with body hair than without. I just love to pet the pelt.
Can you guess who this is. Most of you already guessed. Yes this is Skye Woods. You can tell not only by the tan line and the tattoo, but also the nips. Lately seems like Skye doesn't want to show his face which is weird since we've all seen it. He posted a video recently that was more focused on his chest, but even when he got up he didn't show his face. Just find it odd. 
If only spider-man looked like that. Granted that is the symbiont spider-man, but still. I always did prefer Vemon to Spider-man mainly cause well Eddie Brock did have quite a bit of muscle to Peter Parker. Basically that body is what I see Eddie Brock having. I know Peter is a nerd and suppose to be smaller and more flexible, but well I wouldn't mind if he bulked up a bit. Would really help with that super human strength.   

Videos

I'm sure some of you have heard of Yaegerman. If not he's a guy that is on xtube and does a lot of edging videos. Usually with fleshlights. Well this time he's doing that plus he has a jacking buddy. Apparently this was edited down from a 7 hour session. Would love to jack with them. The next clip is an oral only video clip. I will say the main reason it does it for me is that Donnie Russo is well pretty hot. Plus he's very verbal. And he's in a jockstrap. Kinda hard to pass this one up. Third we have Steve Cassidy and Lance Gear. I forgot to add the actual link for this one so if it doesn't show up just go to mymusclevideo and click on any free video then refresh the page. Anyway it's the first scene from the movie sloth from the 8 part series called the 7 deadly sins. It's a very hot scene. It starts off in bed with Steve looking for a little action cause he's so horny. He comes across Lance Gear and of course chooses him. Soon Lance comes up to give him a good ass pounding. Now the fun thing about this scene is that it's not just straight to the fucking. They actually take their time before Lance finally gives Steve what he wants until he blows, but the scene isn't over. They both get in the shower where it's Lances turn to get fucked until he comes. By far the best scene of the movie. Awhile back I posted this trippy scene with two "bodybuilders" from this bodybuilder camp video. Well this clip explains why it looked so trippy. Plus it has another scene of two guys going at it after we are introduced to the camp. Why can't I find any of these camps around here. If you like daddy boy scenes or farmer scenes then you will so love this fifth clip. Put shortly the "boy" was looking for something and came across some porn. He starts jerking when the "daddy" shows up and shows him how to ride a dick. Not too verbal in this one. Lastly are some amateur bears. I kinda like amateur stuff better then porn from studios sometimes because you get something different. These are two adults who are having sex not just for the camera, but because they are truly attracted to each other. You aren't getting airbrushing of fancy editing. You are just getting what they put forth.

Freedom at a cost

So me and my ex have been broken up for awhile. Sadly we still live together. Well on Saturday he sent me this e-mail saying I'm free to do whatever or see whoever I want. With my ex an e-mail is never an e-mail. I don't know how many times I've been yelled at for only surface reading his e-mail or how pissed he gets when someone doesn't respond fast enough of appropriately to his e-mail. Well he forced me to talk about it on Sunday. And by talk about it I mean me saying two or three sentences the whole time while he just rambled on and on and on. But he apparently has made it so "our" friends don't have to choose between us. He sent both of them e-mails saying that he's out of the picture. I'm just waiting for the after math. I had a trip planned with one of them and I wouldn't be shocked if he feels so uncomfortable that he either doesn't talk to me or doesn't want to go on the trip with me. If that happens I'll be quite pissed. Ugh I just didn't have a good ending to the weekend and just wondering if he meant it or what will happen if I actually do go out. He can say he's not controlling all he wants, but the plan fact is that he's wrong and he's quite controlling.
Must say that I do wish I had this image to come home to. Then again if I had a sexy daddy like this one I'm not so sure I'd really want him tied up. I mean it's a hot fantasy, but I kinda want his hands and feel free so he could go to town on me or I could go to town on him. Yet at the same time would be fun to drive him wild while he's all tied up and helpless.
Rusty Jeffers is so sexy. I just wish he'd do one more video as Carl Hardwick. He just knows what he needs to do to be sexy. I mean this photo has sexy written all over it. Look at how he's holding the towel. You know the second he lets go it's going to drop. And that 5 o' clock shadow. Yes he so needs to do one more solo video.
Yes I'd love to do him. That's exactly what that face and body language is telling me. It's that you want to fuck look. Everything is screaming come and get me. Oh I would if it didn't mean I'd break my screen trying to get to him. 
How I just find Adam Russo so hot. I will say I've rarely seen him top. Which is a shame because he very much screams versatile to me. And it's true he is. He does a great job getting fucked and a great job fucking. This picture was my favorite because it is my favorite fuck position and Adam just looks so sexy to me in this one.

Videos

First up today is Marc Dylan helping his friend relax in the bathtub. Sometimes I wonder why do they even try to do a set up for porn. If you like seeing your guys all soaped up and wet then you will really like this clip. So in otherwords most of you guys (and some gals) will enjoy this clip. Next is a bear cop jacking. Right now I have a real thing for bears. Mainly cause I actually have two bear types after me. Actually more are hitting me up on growlr all of a sudden. Anyway pair a bear a cop together and that's my ultimate jack off fantasy right now. So needless to say I really like this clip. Third up is one lucky jock getting fucked by coach Van Damme. The funny thing is that it's easy to see Rob as a coach. He does have that daddy feel plus has the body of a jock. I'm not done with the cop thing though. I have a vintage clip of a cop playing with two leather guys. It's a strictly oral scene, but still pretty hot. The guys have very nice builds. This 5th clip is one that just proves I'm not as heavy a sleeper as I thought. It starts off with Mark Slade giving his friend a massage. The friend falls asleep and Mark has his way with him. Yes he supposedly fucked his sleeping friend. Either that massage was that good, he was that tired, or Mark's dick isn't truly that big. And since this is porn it really boils down to not making any sense. Last up is a huge vintage orgy. Not really anymore I have to say besides that. If you've seen one orgy you've seen pretty much them all.