A lot on my plate

Today is feeling like a major Tuesday. It's partly cloudy and I have an order I need to get placed. Just a lot to do work wise. Then there has been tons of stuff on my mind. Kinda starting to piss me off thinking this much. Then again thinking keeps me out of trouble. Plus it is about stuff to better myself as a person.
One thing I forgot to mention is that Scott contacted Coach the other day. For those of you that don't know about Scott let me fill you in. Scott wanted to date me (while dating someone else) then didn't and stopped talking to me (unfriended me on facebook and on yim). Then he started to talk to me again and readded me as a friend and on yim and wanted to date me again. Then he didn't want to date me again, but wanted to stay friends. Then he moved in with his new partner like 2 weeks or a month after they met. The thing about Scott is that he dominates conversations. You may get a minute or two, but it quickly moves on to him. Well in July or August or whenever I got fed up with him and called him out on his stuff. He kept talking to me like I was sleeping with a different guy every night and when I said I deserve respect and to not be treated like I'm a slut he said ok I'll stop bothering you and unfriended me on facebook and yim again. Recently he started talking to me (after he found out I was dating Coach), and by talking I mean very surface questions unless I was talking about him and his new guy. Coach has also had a run in with Scott. Scott wanted to date Coach then didn't and said his life was perverted and warped or some crap like that. Well he basically said he was happy for us and that me and him are "good friends". Raise your hand if you think that's a lie. Yeah it is. See Scott is like another guy I knew back in Texas. I helped this guy through a divorce and two failed relationships, but when I was having relationship problems with Ted and finally broke up with him guess where he was. He was too busy looking for a job. Yep looking 24/7. Did have time to play an online game though. Basically now that he was happy all his "friends" got treated like crap. Wouldn't be surprised if I hear from him when him and his boyfriend have serious problems or break up. Well Scott is exactly the same way. He isn't a friend to other gay guys. If you are single he basically reminds you of it any chance he gets or treats you like you are a slut. He will gossip about you, and clearly won't help you with any problems you may have. So no he isn't my "good friend". I wouldn't even use the word friend to describe him. And I'm certainly not talking to him in any depth until he apologizes and shows me he changed which he hasn't and won't.

I get Men's Health magazine for free because of my airline miles I used. There was an article in it talking about porn. It starts off talking about how the author walked in on his dad jacking off to porn and how it later lead to his parents getting a divorce and a fear of porn. To be honest I get tired of hearing that. I was at this retreat where someone recounted pretty much a similar story. How her dad had to go get help and it took her a long time to forgive him. Now I should mention this was a christian themed retreat (I went there one semester just to see what it was like. It was actually pretty fun minus a few episodes like that). What bothers me about thinking like this is that they make it sound like it's truly devastating to watch porn. Let's get something clear. A porn addiction is pretty rare and 2nd porn is not cheating because it's a fantasy. Women have fantasies all the time and it's not cheating. They read novels like Fifty Shades of Gray and that's not cheating. Is the difference that it's imagined? The answer is no there is no difference. Porn is a tool. I watch it (obviously) and started watching it because I was curious about gay sex. Did it leave it's impression yes, but I think that's a good thing. It helped me to establish what I like and what I don't like. I like romance and a lot of touching. I dislike the whole straight guy genre that has popped up. You know seducing a straight guy type stuff. I think the problem with porn comes in when two people can't acknowledge it or feel they have to keep it a secret. If Coach had a problem with me and porn or looking at photos of guys he would have said so a long time ago. Hell he wants to watch porn with me. It's a tool to spice up a love life or just to get things revved up. It's only a deal breaker if you let it or the person can't be with you or you can't be with a real person without porn playing in the background.
There are some days where it feels like I'm 24 going on 48. What I mean is that it feels like I have to know where I'm heading and be stable and I think that's one of the reasons why I've been feeling so weird. I mean I'm 24 years old. I'm not even at a quarter of a century yet (damn close though). I need to slow down and enjoy life or it will pass me by pretty quick. It's pressure I've put on myself growing up I think. I'm trying to do more going with the flow instead of living by a schedule that I had in my head at an early age. Life never works out exactly like we plan it.
On top of that I've been getting these uneasy feelings lately. It kinda started when I got on my test booster, but I think the feelings are related to relationships I have. Meaning I have to address them before they blow up anymore. I've already talked to one of my dads to bounce off some ideas. I think until I handle them I won't feel better. Pretty sure I know what to do luckily. Also would help if my mind would stop going to a negative place about the outcome of these things. I'll shed more light on this subject once I deal with them.