Last entry.....

That's right. It's my last entry. Yep after this my blog will be taken over by a new person. Me at the age of 24. My b-day is on Monday so it's my last entry at the age of 23. I know I'm such a mean little blogger huh? I am still going to blog of course. I just enjoy giving people semi heart attacks. I did the same joke to the UPS guy that drops off stuff at the store. Sadly I don't have anything super special to blog about. Me and Coach are doing great. We have a date next week. Ted and I are doing fine right now. I haven't really talk to Ned. So yeah it's a pretty slow news day for me. It does give me a chance to get caught up with posting pictures.

 This guy is Muscle Eddie. Well depending on where you see him. He goes by different names, but Eddie seems to be the recurring theme. The thing with Eddie is from the waist up or if he was wearing shorts he'd look fine. For some odd reason he decided to pump is dick so much that it looks like that. I'm not a size queen, but I can appreciate a big dick. This one I sadly wouldn't know what to do with. I certainly couldn't take it into my mouth let alone even think about getting fucked by it. Eddie says he's straight in any profile you find of him. I can't imagine that there are a lot of girls drooling to have that inside of them. I mean can it even get hard? I know that we all have choices, but this seems like an extreme one to me which is a shame because he does have a nice body and everything. I've seen some clips of him and he has great muscle control too. Just for me that's where it stops.

 Zeb Atlas is finally back to doing some new stuff. This is from a video of him and Tyler Sweet. Zeb plays the Coach who is thinking of cutting Tyler from the team. Tyler of course will do anything to stay on the team. It kinda reminds me of Coach and I. I'm sure it's a roleplay we could do. Coach isn't that much taller than me and I'm certainly not as small as Tyler, but the dynamic is pretty much similar.

 Do you ever see a guy in a sleeveless shirt or even a sleeved shirt and think wow that guy is built. I wonder what the rest of him looks like. Well that's this guy. He has big arms, but you can tell by the face he's built. You can even see that his jeans are ripped close to the crotch, which kinda gives him this farmer built muscle look. Wish we could see him in all his glory.

My B-day has started early. Ted's sister gave me this shirt today along with some donuts (I'm going to get fat) and a gift card for JCP. This was a very thoughtful gift that nearly brought me to tears and that is hard to do. You see I love the Kingdom Hearts franchise. I've enjoyed ever Kingdom Hearts game I ever got my hands on. This is from the 2nd game which was my favorite and one of the very few sequel games I ever bought let alone enjoyed. She picked this out for me after seeing my facebook. I gave her like 4 hugs for this. She kept saying well if it's too big you can always take it back. To be honest if it's too big I'll still wear it with pride. She got that shirt for me and it means so much to me that she went out of her way to get me this gift which she did not have to get. Hey I didn't say all the photos I was going to post were dirty.

And I'm back

Sorry about not posting yesterday. I left my charger at Coach's place and that meant I couldn't charge up my laptop battery. That means that I could have started to blog and then lost power and had no way to charge it up so I had to go get a replacement form Best Buy. Then on top of that my Aunt had her cellphone "stolen". She's on my mom's plan (as am I) so the number of minutes I have to use got cut down dramatically since the theft is using the minutes. Keep in mind this is her third cellphone she's gone through while being on my mom's plan. She "lost" two others and got my mom kicked off her phone insurance plan. She went through not only our 700 landline minutes (I think it's 700), but also 1,500 roll over minutes we accumulated in one month. So with all that going on I'm totally stepping back and focusing on something that is pretty random. Well not really if you live inside my mind.

Last night I was watching True Blood and that question came into my mind again. If you could have a boyfriend or girlfriend or whatever that was some sort of supernatural creature what would it be? Keep in mind I'm happy with Coach and I'm not going to change him in anyway, but this is just something that's fun to think about. Plus I've thought about it before. Just felt like it needed revisiting. I'm still sticking by the fact that I think a werewolf would be a much better boyfriend than a vampire. The reason being is that a werewolf you can take out with you in the sun. It's sometimes nice to just sit outside and talk. Depending on what novel or movie you are watching will depend on if your boyfriend will turn ashy in the daylight. Plus there is also the fact that a vampire is always cold. You will never feel the warmth of their body. That is one thing I love to do with Coach. I like to snuggle up with him because he's always warm (part of the test boosters). It's comforting and kinda lulls me to sleep. Now keep in mind I'm not saying you have to limit yourself to vampires and werewolves. I'm just thinking about me. You see I went back and forth between wanting a vampire to a werewolf and back. I think a werewolf would be a lot more fun. Least if what I read is right. I'm sure the sex with a werewolf is amazing.
Now with that in mind I think a good thing for me to be to compliment that werwolf isn't to be a werewolf or a vampire, but an incubus. For those of you that don't know what an incubus let me give you the short version. A male demon that is very sexual, but does feed on the life force of their victim. If you've ever seen the show Lost Girl (another one I'll have to watch with Coach) think of Bo, but as a guy. Put a werewolf with an incubus, it would be a pretty good match. Well except for the fact that I don't believe an incubus could be faithful and a wolf would mate for life. When you are a demon that is that sexually charged you would need it constantly. Like I said this is just some random things I've been thinking about. Just to pull myself out of the funk I was in yesterday.

So this is the second photo of Coach that I took on our date on Wednesday. I took a few more, but I didn't like the back shot. It made his legs look smaller than they are. I think it was the angle I was holding the phone. It was tilted down so I could get everything in. This is me being a picky boyfriend. I only like flattering photos of Coach. Granted a box over his face isn't flattering, but we both agree that I can share photos of him just can't reveal his face. He does have nice legs. As you know from his squat stats. And he's squatted (in great form) while holding me. I'll have to get a leg only photo so you can get an accurate look at them.
So I got two songs today. The first comes from Coach (since it's a Frank Sinatra song) called Winners. No this isn't me and Coach pulling a Charlie Sheen "Winning" moment. Just more of the fact that we have both dealt with some serious issues and come out on top. I know the man can be very deep. The next song comes from me. It's the song I'll Cover You from Rent. I did the movie version because the first version I heard isn't available online. My friend was in a production of it. Her boyfriend invited all her friends and we surprised her by showing up. I have a picture of her being all surprised on my facebook page. Anyway this version also has subtitles. It's a good song.

To conform or not to conform.

Tonight is my date with Coach and I couldn't be happier. I get to see my guy again shortly after I recently saw him. Which is good cause it's going to be another long wait after tomorrow. Yes we could have dates twice a week, but we do like our pace of 1 date per week. It allows us time to miss each other and get closer when we do meet. It's a pace we do like. Yet there is this pressure to conform. Coach had a topic today where he had to write an entry talking about a time when he gave went against his values to conform and was it worth it. Well my value is that I don't think it's right to tell others what they should or shouldn't do. Not unless they specifically ask. I'm being told I'm moving too fast by others who don't really know/cause the situation to move at the speed it is. If I was to conform to them, I wouldn't be happy. They'd probably have me go on a date once every 2 weeks and to wait until 6 months have passed before sex. Needless to say that wouldn't make me happy and would actually make me spiteful.
One other thing that has been bugging me is how so many of these ex gay camps and movements have popped up. Me and Coach are at the Queer as Folk episodes where Emmit feels the need to go straight. I myself have felt that pressure and it's one of the many pressures that lead to me going to the hospital after a major depression attack. It's forcing you to be something you aren't. To do something you don't want to do. Do I find women attractive, yeah I do, but I don't want to have sex with one. I've seen a lot of guys who have divorced because they realize they can't hide who they are anymore. It leads to a lot of hurt feelings and I was on the road to be the exact same. I thought oh I find women attractive and I'm sure I could have sex with one. Then I'd find a guy on the side and be good. That's what conforming to what others would want would have done to me. I would have ended up hurting an innocent woman. It would have been a shame marriage. These places say they "cure" people of their homosexual thoughts. They don't. They will always be there and now you've placed even more guilt on yourself for having them. Anyone can put up a good front. Hell I could play straight no problem, but it's not me. I love being with Coach, a guy, and I don't plan on changing that.
I keep getting told I'm mature for my age. I think it all has to do with what I've observed. I've heard stories and seen a lot of this stuff before. There are guys that move too quick then get burned because they had sex on the first date when they wanted to wait until later. Seen others that played straight and then ended up hurting a lot of people when they couldn't handle it anymore. I have to be true to myself or I'll just end up right back in the hospital and on anti-depressants for life instead of just 6 months. This is just some free advice from a guy who's kinda been there before. If you can't find someone that accepts you for you (as a friend or romantically) then you won't really be happy.
Oh and I'm going to try to get photos of Coach today to share with you guys. I was going to do it this past weekend, but well we got side tracked.
And speaking of Coach he has another song to share. This one is called The September of my Years. There is a bit of symbolism in this one (like in most songs). If after hearing the song you still don't know what he's talking about then here's a hint. Our relationship is a may/September relationship. What I can't spell it all out for you. Sometimes I make you put more blood flow to the top head than the lower one.

High School Drama

Somehow I have gotten involved in some sort of high school drama crap. Supposedly a mutual friend of mine and Ted's (Ned) was talking to Ted after his date. According to Ted out of the blue Ned said that I was moving too fast. Ted told me this yesterday morning. Then yesterday afternoon is suddenly evolved to Ned saying that me and Coach were moving way WAAAY too fast. That Coach is trying to put a wedge in between me and Ted so get me all alone and control me. Well Ted has "had enough" and will let me do whatever I want (heard that before) and he will stay out of it. He will still be my friend, but doesn't want to hear about me and Coach. Then to add more to this story (funny how this all evolved from an unprompted topic) that Ted asked if he should be obligated to meet Coach to which Ned said oh no you should be obligated nor expected to meet him. See that part pisses me off since Ted is the one that insisted that I introduce him to any guy I date and threw a hissy fit when I didn't. Now out of all of this what really annoyed me is that if Ned indeed felt as he did why didn't he tell me when he had the chance? What specifically am I moving too fast with? Ned still hasn't messaged me since Sunday making me start to believe Ted was right or Ned was dragged into the conversation and feels uncomfortable talking to either of us. Either way I'm approaching Ned with caution. You see cause now I don't really trust that anything I tell Ned will not reach Ted. If he talks to me then he will hear the truth.
See I just don't get what I'm getting criticized for.  If it's for saying I love Coach (which I have not said to anyone of my friends and glad I didn't) then yeah I'd get it. I know for a lot of people we moved a little fast on that one. I'm not going to jump down his throat on that one. If it's cause we slept together too fast then I'll point out that we waited until our third date. More on top of that, it's none of his business. I don't ask about him and his boyfriend's sex life. I didn't ask how long did they wait. Besides if it was bareback sex then yeah I would agree three dates is WAAAAAY too soon, but we aren't barebacking. We aren't going to bareback for a long time and after we get tested. If I rushed staying over I'll point out that it was our fourth date (kinda ignoring that time I did stay over already) before I stayed over. I'd ask him to stay over at my place, but Teds there. We only get to see each other once a week. We talk all the time on the phone and through e-mail and bear. Right now it's up in the air cause Ned hasn't said anything to me and again I don't truly know what the context of the conversation was. If he had talked to me first before talking to Ted a lot of this would have been avoided. For a guy who claims he hates drama and the cattiness of the gay community he sure isn't helping. I mean he knows Ted. Like Ted was just going to keep it under his hat and not say anything. If I was to say Coach kept stepping on my toes while we were dancing (we haven't danced yet) then Ted would use that against him some how or say you never danced with me, but the thing that I really think it boils down to is the age difference. Specifically my age. I have a friend who is I think 46 who is moving at the exact same pace as me and Coach. He sees the guy he's dating once a week. They haven't said they are boyfriends yet just because of so much stuff going on. My friend sleeps over all the time. Not only that but on their 2nd date they stayed at his place and watched movies in their briefs. Don't hear Ned saying that he's moving to fast.
So basically I'm watching what I say to anyone. I know the friend who is moving at the same speed won't be telling anything to Ted cause Ted has burned him just as much as he has burned everyone else. Ted doesn't even talk to this guy. My friend gave me his concerns right away. He said make sure you go close and take everything into account. I have and he has been happy for me. I will be careful though. So far the only people that have not been two faced with me have been my dads. Two guys that have been together 15 years (I believe) and were only suppose to be a 1 night stand. Everyone is different. The pace for one is not the pace for another. There are circumstances in every relationship that determine the speed. Mine is determined by my lease and by my ex. We are trying to go slow and hold it out for 8 more months. That way we get to really know each other, before moving in. Might be hard if Ted won't respect boundaries. Hell he already broke his not interfering rule the second he got home. Saying once again I don't want to talk to Coach cause he made me feel like I have limits blah blah blah. I cut him off of course. I understand that not everyone is going to be happy about my relationship, but you know I thought I'd get a better reaction then talking behind my back. I do need to get coach to meet my dads though. They really want to meet him and I want them to meet him.
And now that that is all out of my system I can focus on today and my relationship with Coach. Guess it really is like Brandy sang. They are going to talk about our love and we need to tune it out.
On a brighter note I got this sent to me in an e-mail. I just wonder who sent it and who this song reminded them of. Spoiler alert it was from Coach and he was thinking of me.

What a weekend

Sorry for no blog update on Saturday. I had laundry and stuff to do so I got a little side tracked. Didn't get a chance to write something out before I left to go be with Coach. It was such an amazing weekend. My eyes opened on quite a few things.
I drove up to Coach's place and from there we went to a nice bar and grill. It was very nice. Not only was the food good (and a lot of it), but they even had a salad bar. If I had known how big my sandwich was going to be plus all the fries I wouldn't have had any salad. We then visited Coach's mom's grave. It was a beautiful tombstone. We also walked around the church which was huge. I've never been in a catholic church, and must say I don't think I will again unless I have to. It's really big and intimating.
We then picked up a cheesecake (I was joking with him that if he was ever to eat most of my cheesecake I'd bite his arm off) and then did a workout in his home gym. Must say it is going to take some getting use to working out with him. I say that because I couldn't stop boning up while he was working out. Yes it's true I'm 23 and that stuff happens, but it does make it hard to focus. Pun slightly intended. And I'll include updated stats towards the end of this post cause with a bit of my pushing he upped some of his lifts. The joys of having a boyfriend to show off for ;). From there we get started on Queer as Folk. Well started for a few minutes before we decided that we both were a bit worked up so to speak. I normally choose not to mention our sex life, but well this is both funny and hot and I got permission to share it. So he was on top of me and I was talking dirty to him. Calling him my muscle coach playing with his jock. Well he starts really getting into it and starts yelling, "for the team! yeah for the packers!" and boy did he shoot. It was a big load for anyone. Needless to say it was one of our better sessions and they seem to get better and better every time we are together. That's pretty much the only time I'm going to mention me and Coach's sex life so enjoy.
After a few episodes of Queer as Folk we snuggled and talked and it was just nice. Felt great to just be in his arms and have my head on his chest. To be able to kiss him any time. It was great. And sleeping with him was great. Then some weird stuff started to happen. All of a sudden Coach started barking. At first I thought he was just doing it because he felt me stir and realized I was awake. Then he kept doing it and I kinda hit him a little. Then he just kept doing it and then he stirred and said did I say something? Well Coach apparently talks in his sleep (and in this case barks). I said no you didn't say anything, but you were barking. He started laughing and said really? I said yeah you were barking I thought you were joking at first. Well he laughed more and said he had this dream where he was wearing his leather collar and I was holding his metal chain and walking him around the house like a dog. I then told him to chase the cats and he barked at them. I then said that was too loud and gave him a little swat with a riding crop. He then barked a little quieter. Now I find this funny for a completely different reason. At this time I would like Coach to skip a head cause I know he's reading this and I don't want to spoil the surprise. I'll give you a sign of where you can continue. So the reason I find this so funny is because I was recently watching the first season of True Blood. No Coach keep skipping ahead. If you don't want any of the first season to be spoiled skip ahead. Anyway Sam and Terra decide to sleep with each other. Well Sam barks in his sleep, but for a completely different reason. The reason being that he's a shape shifter who likes to turn into dogs. And that's why I found it way too funny. Here's the sign: ok coach you can start reading again. All and all it was a good sleep. Now for the other weird thing. Tiger (the one that thinks he's people and sits at the table like in the picture) decided he wanted to lick my head. If you've never had your hair licked by a cat then hope you don't. It was just this weird feeling. Kinda like sandpaper on your hair. He didn't get to the scalp, but it was just weird. Then he jumps down and walks out the room.
After that me and Coach slept in on Sunday.Was very nice to just lay there under the covers and snuggle some more. Then I started getting a little frisky, but Coach wanted me to be good since we were going to workout once we did finally get up. You have no idea how hard that was. We got up and started getting ready to workout. It was chest day today and that makes it even harder to be good. While doing sets we both also decided it was time to update our bear profiles to say who we were dating. Just get all the back talk and under handed dealings out of the way. Sadly I've already gotten a taste of those. I'll talk about that tomorrow. This is a happy post and don't need those people bringing it down. Anyway we also had lunch and watched some more All in the Family (saw an episode on Saturday too) then decided to get dressed and go for a walk. Coach wanted to me to meet a few of his neighbors. We went to a park where Coach almost effortlessly picked me up (after doing a personal best with his chest routine). Yeah I clearly got to put on some weight to give him a bit more of a challenge. We then got back watched two more episodes of Queer as Folk before I had to go. I wanted to get back home before it got dark. I didn't tell Coach this (a little too late now), but I was pretty down leaving. I was pretty close to tearing up. I had to go home a different way to make sure I didn't focus on the fact I was leaving a man I love so much.

I meant to get some updated pictures of Coach to share, but well I got side tracked. I was too busy focusing on him and us. I did say I wanted to get the pictures, but we just didn't get around to it. We had fun holding and kissing and talking. Shame cause I do have updated stats and wish I had a picture of him to go along with them. Anyway here are the new lifting stats:
Working Bench Press: 235lbs
Squat: 235-250 lbs
Romanian Deadlifts: 260 lbs
Barbell Curl: 85-95 lbs
Barbell Shrugs: 250-265 lbs
Overhead Barbell Shoulder Press: 120 lbs
Concentration Curls: 40lbs
The bench press went up while I was there. It was actually pretty awesome. I really felt like his encourager at that moment. Trying to get him to push harder. It was just so great. I'm sadly not at the point where I feel comfortable lifting in front of Coach, mainly cause I haven't mastered keep the blood flow away from my lower head. Plus I find the smell of Coach all sweaty very arousing. That actually is a big deal for me since I'm so scent sensitive. I can easily be turned off by the smell of some guys. There was a guy I was with awhile back in Texas who just had the rankest breath. I mean just so gross. Coach is the complete opposite. He 1. always makes sure his breath is fresh and 2. I like his scent. We can't change our natural scent. Coach has a very nice natural scent that you can smell even if he puts on a little of that Bod spray on.
The last thing I want to talk about before I wrap this up is a comment that a guy name Matt gave on Friday's blog post:
Hey man, I've been reading your posts for a few months now, and I'm so glad to read along with the evolution of your relationship. I first found your blog and got hooked on your taste in... um... videos:) But as you have grown in your relationship, so has the depth of your posts, and I'm honored to be a part of your online world lol. I'm growing into my first relationship as well, and it has been the most hectic roller coaster of my life. It will be a year in November, and it is strange to think about how much we have gone through and we dont even have an anniversary under our belts! Reading about your life is helpful to me, and reminds me that we are all a work in progress and we have to live in order to grow. Thanks for caring enough to share and I wish you the best in your new life with Coach:)
I want to personal thank Matt for saying that. Thanks to guys like Matt, Adam, my dads, and others who have been supportive I've been able to grow. I'm very self critical and doubt my own feelings a lot of the time, but when you hear some validation like that up there it goes a long way. Thank everyone for the comments.
In closing I got two songs from Coach. He sent them to me this morning well I'm sharing them cause both are appropriate for today. Can't wait for our date on Wednesday. I enjoy every minute I spend with that man. I know he always has my back. He's my pit bull that barks in his sleep.

Videos

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Evolution is a must

Tomorrow is my over night date with Coach and I'm super happy. For multiple reasons. The reasons all center around one thing really and that's change. You got to embrace it or you'll be left behind.

The first is that I updated my iPhone's software yesterday and it's pretty cool. It moves a lot faster and has a feature that I really like. I get e-mails on my phone, but with the new software you can actually set people as your VIP contacts. E-mails from this person will automatically be pulled into a separate section making them easier to find. Needless to say Coach is the only VIP contact I have. So not only can I stop guessing as to when Coach sends me something, I actually get notifications letting me know he e-mailed me. That is pretty nice. Sometimes when I have my computer up, I have a tab for the e-mails, but I only check it every now and again. Now I know the second I get an e-mail from Coach so I can respond quickly. If I hadn't updated my software I wouldn't have found that neat little feature.
I also learned how to finally save voicemails on my iPhone. Well I should say from my iPhone. If you have one you know that your phone will delete voicemails older than 30 days. Normally this didn't bother me, but I do like to hear Coach's voice every now and again. Not to mention I'd like to have them just to have. So instead of trying to look at my phone for answers I googled it. I can say I now have Coach's voicemails on my hard drive. Now I just have to put them somewhere for safe keeping just in case something happens to my comp. Better safe than sorry.
The big reason why I'm happy is that me and Coach's relationship is evolving. It's getting more stable and we are getting more comfortable with each other. We both aren't trying to hide things from the other. We embrace each other's past. I was talking to him on the phone yesterday and he had mention that he needed to tell me about one of his past lovers. I said I'd love to hear about it. I could hear the smile over the phone. He's been with guys in the past that just don't want to hear about that stuff. I understand not wanting to hear about your bf's exes on the first date, but you can't ignore someone's past. They are an ex for a reason. Talking about them won't make your bf suddenly fall in love with them again. Plus it works both ways when you think about it. Yet all that isn't the best part. The best part is that we are spending the night together tomorrow. Yes we've done that before, but I have a feeling that this time is going to be different. We both are secure in each other. I'm finally past that mental road block that wouldn't let me be happy until a month had past. And Coach did really well on his tests so we have even more reason to celebrate and be happy.
The last thing on this topic is basically Ted. I'm not going to say what I am to make you guys dislike Ted even more than you already do, but more as a topic of conversation. It's something that we all need to think about. Especially in the dating world. Ted expressed his feelings about me staying over at Coach's last night. He expressed that he felt it was too soon. He has old fashioned values of only sleeping with someone you love. He was worried that if Coach ever said he loved me (I haven't told him that we have both said we love each other because well it's Ted and he's not ready to hear that yet) it would probably because I'm good in bed. Ok wait that last part didn't come out right. He said I'm a gentle and passionate lover and that he's afraid Coach would feel that and then say he loves me for a superficial reason. Ok that sounds a little better. Well after he pouted for a bit he finished the night saying he isn't my keeper and that he's sorry if what he said hurt me (it didn't). He just feels sad over what I'm doing. So here is where my limited empathy comes in. Basically Ted is throwing the straight view on sex into a gay relationship. He grew up with the view that you have sex (with a woman) only after you are married. Well that doesn't work in gay relationships because (wait for it) us same sex couples can't get married in a lot of states. So that argument kinda gets thrown out the window.

It's putting straight logic into a gay relationship that is his problem. He's got to evolve. I'm not saying he should fuck every guy that smiles at him or go into a porn store and suck every guy off at a glory hole. I'm saying that he has to understand that two guys are more sexually charged than a guy and a girl or 2 girls. Our genitalia is on the outside. It's very easy stimulated and is based off of sight. We gay men have to do a very delicate balancing act. If a relationship is based off of sex alone then it won't survive. If we have a relationship on just emotion with no sex it affects our self esteem and eventually leads to finding something that is physical. Ted is right he isn't my keeper and he's not in my head. I love Coach and Coach loves me. If I felt he was just using me for sex then we wouldn't have come this far. We wouldn't e-mail and talk on the phone and on bear everyday. We wouldn't be content just snuggling or holding each other. He wouldn't be telling all his friends and family about me and I wouldn't be doing the same. I know that there is more there and so does Coach and that's all that matters. Hopefully some guy can open up Ted's mind. If not then that's fault for not evolving. Evolution is a part of life. Either you evolve or you get left in the dust with all the predators.

Special Date for a Special Day

Today is September 20th. For most of you it's not a special day, but for me and Coach it means we've been dating for a whole month. I was wondering why I've been so upbeat today. I had to do banking and have had a headache so the significance of the day was lost on me until I went through some of our old e-mails that I haven't archived yet. Plus coach has a test today so we haven't really been focusing on the day, but it is a special day. I'm sure he forgot too with his test. Nothing wrong with that when both of us had stuff we had to do today. We aren't going out today, but I am staying over on Saturday. We have a very nice date planned for Saturday so our Anniversary date has just been pushed back 2 days. We are going to a nice restaurant (just went through the menu not too long ago and know what I want), then to visit his mother's grave, then back home for some alone time. There is so much I want to do on this date. Like take some more pictures of my guy now that he's on his test booster post cycle. Also want to take a video of him on my phone. Kinda a throw back to the pictures I took on our first date. My upload them and crop them and post them on here so you can see the difference. I'm also thinking we do some measurements and I post them here as well. That's basically the G rated stuff we will be doing. The rest is between me and Coach.
Hard to believe it's only been a month. Seems like so much more has gone on in this month. Honestly it felt like we were together for 2 months. With dealing with Ted, getting to know each other, talking on the phone, through e-mails, and on bear we have gotten really close. Can't wait for our date Saturday. I try to make every date special. I want Coach to never feel like I don't love or care about him. It's why I'm all over him all the time on dates. June is slowly coming and when it does I'll be with him in the same house all the time. Now I just have to find a way to get him up to visit my dads or have them come down to visit us. They really like Coach, and are nervous that he won't like them so they can't keep up the friendship that they have with me. I know that everyone will love everyone so I'm not worried at all and told them such.
So happy one month anniversary to us. I won't be one of those guys that counts every month, but the 1st month is special. The next big one will be 6 months which will be February 20th. Hmm.... totally didn't plan that. Least we didn't start dating on August 14th. That would just be so wrong to have a 6th month anniversary on Valentine's day. And we all know my stance on Valentine's day. It's a day that makes single people feel worse and makes couples have to do something special just because of the day on the calendar. I rather love my guy all year round and make him special all year round then have to go all out just because it's Valentine's day or a B-day or an Anniversary. Well those last two I would make a big deal because to us they are, but not Valentine's day.

The dating game

As most of us know, dating is never easy. Seeing what Ted is going through just reminds me of what I had to go through. You think you find someone interested, but they don't seem interested in you. I've had guys that I thought wanted to go on a date with me that were just guys who like to pretend like they do. Then there is also the case where you put your foot in your mouth or jump to a wrong conclusion. Well Ted messaged bachelor 1 and 3 yesterday and bachelor number 3 responded back. He said that he did get Ted's response, but was processing it. And Ted had also called bachelor number 3 by bachelor number 1's name. Needless to say he's beating himself up over that pretty bad.
At least my dating life is going well. Makes it easier to try to help him then if we both were single going through this. With my b-day coming up and me and Coach getting closer I'm feeling good about life. We even decided that we are going to go away for a weekend in December which will be very nice. It will be a long drive, but totally worth it. I have never gone away with a guy before. Me and Ted talked about it, but we just never could because so much had happened and by the time we were settled down we had drifted apart. With Coach if he says we are doing something we are going to do it. He's very Sagittarius like that. For now I'll just stay over at his place on Saturday and enjoy spending time with him and the boys. Apparently they miss me.
Now I'm off to try to get one of coach's pictures to be my background image on twitter.

Slow Tuesday

It's been a long Tuesday already and it's not even noon (as of right now). Only a few people came in making me really tired. Plus last night was just rough for Ted. Bachelor number 3 still didn't e-mail him back plus he was getting really frustrated with his computer. The funny thing about Ted is that he will point out that I have a short fuse on certain things, but give him a computer and by the end of the day he's ready to throw things at people. You see his laptop (which is newer than mine) always slows down when he's at the apartment. I have my laptop up or my cell phone and his slows down to a crawl. I think it's cause he has way too many programs going in the back ground, but what do I know. Anyway so with his computer going slow and bachelor number 3 not responding he was in a bit of a foul mood. Then on top of that Coach's boss passed away. She was just 31 years old. So it was just not a great Monday and it's spilling over into today. Hopefully Ted will be better today since he doesn't have to come into work which seems to depress him all the more.

I was talking to Coach today and he was telling me about some of his conservative Catholic friends. They apparently wonder how long we will last since us gay men aren't faithful at all. Honestly in this day and age it amazes me how people think this is still an argument. I'd like to point you to Elton John, Neil Patrick Harris, Ricky Martin, and Clay Aiken. Those are just 4 examples of guys in partnerships WITH KIDS! Those are just the famous ones. There are many other examples all around, but they just aren't in the lime light. And if we want to get into nip picking let's talk about all the straight relationships that ended because of cheating. 50% of marriages end in divorce. and I would say of that 50% maybe 2% are same sex couples and that's being generous I'm sure. I only know of one case of a same sex divorce, and only because it happened in Texas. Two women got married in a northern state (don't remember which and not like it matters) and then moved to Texas. They then filed for divorce some time later and the argument was that if Texas did allow the divorce they would have to acknowledge the marriage, but back to my point. This breed of people refuse to see anything beyond what they believe. If they believe birds fly and you show them an emu or a penguin they say you're lying. For everyone else they have adapted. I will admit early on I didn't think it was possible to have a monogamous relationship. That's because my only glimpse at gay life was porn. When I saw real loving gay couples that changed. So if your mind is open you won't have these hard and fast rules.
Speaking of hard and fast rules, I think Ted has been amazed at how level headed I've been this year. You see around this time I apparently turn into an unbearable beast for about 2 months. Usually stating from the start of september to about mid november. It's apparently happened for the last 3 years. Well this year I've apparently been very pleasant and a joy to be around. I think he brought it up trying to subtly say that my relationship with Coach seems to be really good for me and his and my relationship caused me to be cranky around my b-day. Honestly I don't think it was the relationship. The first year was my first b-day away from friends and family so you can see how that might make someone cranky. I had made no new friends outside of Ted and I think at that time I still didn't have a car. Cranky kinda came with the territory. I thought my 2nd year I was a lot better, but I guess I wasn't. Don't know what was up with that one. We were even at a new and better place. Last year I know what happened. Our relationship had run it's course and we had to break up. This year I have a new car (that allows me to see my boyfriend), I have a boyfriend that encourages me to have friends, I have friends (who I won't ask to throw me a party), and I just feel more mature than I did last year. Maybe it's because it's the year of the dragon and I'm a dragon. Maybe it's because I'm with a guy who I feel like I can truly be myself with. Maybe it's cause I have a bright future to look forward to. Whatever the reason I'm in a better mood and who wants to question that?

Back to work

I had a pretty good weekend. Me and Ted went out of town to just hang then I went with some friends to a demolition derby on Saturday. Was fun all around and I got some fun pictures. Sent Coach one that made him chuckle. Yesterday was a nice day. Didn't do anything. Just watched a bit more true blood.
The other good thing is that Ted and Coach are getting along. Not to mention that Ted has pretty much said he's not going to pursue me (romantically) anymore. Coach and Ted will be meeting the first week of October. Things there are going well which has made my life a little less heavy. Now it's just focusing on Ted and his dating life. Last week three guys were interested in him and sadly he's seeing the crappy side of dating. The one he's talked to the most seems like he has the most to hide. Just feels like he's avoiding something and I think it's that he's HIV positive. I mean the guy told Ted he was going on a date (saturday), but not sure too much was going to happen (why he had to tell ted this is beyond me) because the guy lied to him (and yet you are still going out with him) and that's not a good sign. Then he tells Ted about the date (again why?) saying that the guy has to blow into his car to get it started (so a smoker and heavy drinker). When asked how many OWI's the guy had he responded that it was too many. With all that in mind he tells Ted that he THINKS he won't see that guy again. Needless to say Bachelor number 1 is done. Bachelor number 2 was actually in the city me and Ted went to go visit and asked if he could meet us. Ted said where would you like to meet and when. We never heard back from him until after we got back. Apparently his reply was left in the draft box. The e-mail was sent on Thursday. We were going up there on Saturday. Wouldn't you think you would try a little harder to get a hold of someone coming to meet you? Plus he seems to have trouble writing. In the last e-mail he sent it just made no sense. I read it myself. So bachelor number 2 is pretty much done. Thus leaves bachelor number 3. He by far seems to have connected to Ted the best. He's also the closet. The problem is that he works nights so there are long periods of time when he won't respond back. He gave Ted his e-mail address and made it sound like he was going to respond more regularly, but sadly he didn't respond at all yesterday and so far hasn't responded today so Ted is pretty down about it. I have a feeling he will respond and he's not just playing Ted and even told him that, but he's still feeling down. Needless to say they'll be exchanging phone numbers soon so that they can at least text. Something I need to get Coach to do since he doesn't have a cellphone yet.

Speaking of Coach we have a date Saturday and I'm staying the night. It will be nice to be able to just enjoy our time together. Be able to enjoy each other all night. What I am looking forward to the most is waking up next to him. Seeing that smile he gives me. To hold him and kiss him good morning. That has always been my big thing. I've always found waking up next to someone to just be so calming. In romantic movies when the two characters wake up next to each other and smile it always makes my heart melt. In porn it makes my heart melt and my dick hard. That's just how I am. Even with Ted it was nice to just be able to wrap my arms around him while sleeping or in the morning to let him know I'm there. The first time I ever had sex, I stayed over at the guys place. For him it was just sex and that was clear. He wouldn't let me hold him and wouldn't hold me. That was some of the most restless sleep I had. Then towards the morning wants to get frisky. With coach I've never felt that. I've stayed over before and even if we weren't holding each other we were still touching in some way. It felt so right and it will feel so right on Saturday. Even if we don't have sex the entire time I'm there (ha we will) as long as I get to hold him and snuggle with him at night I'm good.
I've been meaning to post this song for awhile, but just finally remembered to do it. I'm sure you've heard of RuPaul's drag race? If not then well get your head out from under that rock. Anyway I started watching in the 2nd season. I was home visiting my mom and there was a marathon on of the first and 2nd season. I actually saw the ending for the 2nd season before anything. Then from there I kinda went backwards to watch it. By far I think it's the best season. The reason being is that it seemed like even the bitchest contestant made an emotional connection with the audience. I think the most powerful moment in the 2nd season was when Pandora Boxx talked about thinking of committing suicide. She got tons of e-mails and letters saying that others can relate and thanks for sharing the story in the reunion special and it's true. There is a reason why Pandora has a huge following. I wish she would have won to be honest, but I digress. The song for that season (Don't be Jealous of my Boogie) always got stuck in my head and still does from time to time (probably cause it's on my mp3 player). This is a video that was put together by supahypasonic. It has clips from the show and the untucked special. I like it more than the official video.

Videos

It's monday and we all know what that means. Means that yet another week has started that we have to get through to get to the weekend. Hopefully these videos will make Monday a little less of a drag. First up is a scene from a movie who's name escapes me. I remember it was the 2nd movie Zak Spears did when he came out of retirement (the first time). In this scene one of Zak's prison buddies is trying to keep the Warden occupied to become the new Warden boy. Has to do with the plot which I barely remember. I love this scene cause the Warden is the one who gets fucked in this. Always a plus. This next one probably won't be everyone's cup of tea. If you like bears than you'll like it. I like bears, but I also like scenes that I find romantic. Basically it's a scene where there isn't a lot of "Yeah suck that dick" or "yeah take that". Just seems like the guys are really into each other. Third up is the first part of the movie Crossroads. This is the one from Kristen Bjorn which means multiple cumshots and hot guys. It's hard to not like anything that comes from that stuido. For all you Yaegerman fans out there you are in for a treat. This one is a cumpilation of his work. Yep 14 minutes of Yaegerman cuming for the camera. Then it's two Latin guys going at it. Don't ask me what there are saying or the context behind this scene cause I have no clue. Just enjoy the sex. Lastly is parts of the movie exhibit. The jumping appears to be intentional. This seems like it's a little bit of everything from the movie, but mostly the cumshots. There are a lot of them in any Kristen Bjorn movie which is again one of the reasons why I love those videos.

Back on track

Yesterday was a pretty crappy day as you could tell. A lot went down. I had dinner with Ted and my friend. He seemed to be ok during that dinner, until talk of him meeting a guy off the site he's on came up. Which lead to him dominating the conversation and informing our friend how the difficulties he's having and blah blah blah. Then he ends this 10 minute conversation (felt like longer) saying I'm not trying to make you uncomfortable, but just saying how I feel. I had to go give the waitress a tip and found out my friend said that he didn't mean to exclude Ted from things and he's welcome to come with him and his boyfriend anytime etc. So Ted let's me know that's all he wanted was someone to be a friend and all that jazz so today he's in a good mood. We will see how long it lasts before he goes back to the guy who e-mailed coach saying how much time and energy he invested in me for Coach to benefit. He truly did e-mail my boyfriend saying that. Lovely huh?
In other news the guy I dated before Coach asked me to his b-day party. Note that he has no clue that I'm dating someone. I would assume by now he figured it out or hasn't. Yesterday I accepted the invitation because I was pissy and feeling like petty bitch. Kinda wanted to rub that I'm dating someone in his face, but today I'm not so pissy and I don't know what to do. I'll probably discuss it with Coach. He wants to have dinner at the olive garden then go downtown. Well downtown means bars and I'm not into bars. Plus I'm certainly not going to be drinking then driving. Hell I can't even stand to drink. Well I'll talk to coach about it, and it's not like it's just me and him. Better not be expected to get him a gift if I do go. I'm not that close to him.

Well what I was going to talk about yesterday was the fact that me and Coach's astrology signs are so compatible. I try not to be so into astrology, but well when most of my relationships ended exactly how it was predicted they would it's hard not to give it some credit. My first boyfriend was a scorpio (I'm a libra) and well it ended like all sites said it would. It ended cause he was quite jealous. It was hard to secure him. With Ted (who is a cancer) the relationship was a lot of work. It worked at times, but it was just constantly working to keep it together. With Coach (who's a Sagittarius) it is so easy and natural. It feels just right. We compliment each other. Every day it seems like we don't have to try to enjoy each other. It's a joy just to talk on the phone or through e-mails. It fits so well. It can be seen in how we interact. He can be dom and submissive and I'm the opposite of what he is at the time. It's awesome to be pushed around by him, but just as much fun to make him submit to me. I lean on him just as much as he leans on me. I'm up when he's down or he's up when I'm down. It feels like what I thought a real relationship would feel like. It doesn't even feel like we will have too many arguments, and if we do they will be resolved easily. And to think it all started on March 2nd with a chance meeting. It's a good thing that we didn't truly meet back then. We both had to do some growing to get to where we are now. I'm happy to be with him and no one is taking that away from me.

Just Frustrated

I'm just so frustrated this morning. It has nothing to do with Coach. We had a great date last night. He enjoyed the surprise I gave him even though he was a little surprised. It was a great evening. I didn't want to leave, but I did have to get home. When I got home Ted was up. I thought Ted was in a pretty good mood cause he texted "Holy Smokes, there are two guys interested in me". Well I got home and we started talking. Well Ted is an appropriate name cause he did go all Ted on me. Oh they live so far away, I don't know if they are really interested, blah blah blah. Hell one guy is actually going to be in the city we are going to go visit so I even suggested we try to meet him. Well how quickly he tried to back out of that. We are going to this circus museum, but it's kinda of their down season and the guy kinda gave this hint that it might be closed or not all that interesting, so Ted said in that case we'll go visit the other guy that lives 3 hours away. I'm driving btw. So that's 6 hours on the road and we aren't staying over. Granted even if he suggested that I wouldn't want to. Then came the talk about Coach. How Coach is only talking to him because it's important to me. WELL DUH! He wouldn't have met Ted otherwise. I mean come the fuck on (sadly I think of these things after I've had some time to think and finally open up again). So after this long talk which basically amounted to him making it sound like he's never going to meet these guys interested in him (great attitude I know) and that he has no one to talk to, I went to bed. A little down, but for the most part happy cause I was with my guy.
Enter this morning. Normally Ted goes to the gym with me on Thursdays, but didn't today cause he was up late (cause he was talking to me). I get to the apartment and he said there is something he needs to reconcile. I thought this would take a few minutes cause he knew I had to make the deposit today and that means I have to leave early which is one reason why we leave so early. It was a 30 minute conversation. Correction it was 30 minutes of him talking. Basically it boils down to he feels that he's put all this work into me and Coach gets all the benefits. He actually used a story about a Coach and an athlete to demonstrate his point. News flash. You put things into a relationship. That's how relationships are. Sometimes they work out sometimes they don't, but I think the most frustrating of it all, has to be the low blow he did today. He said that based on what has happened he just can't wrap his head around this. He knew God brought us together for a reason. I can't believe that reason was for you to go to Coach. The God I know is fair and just and that just doesn't seem fair and his faith is a little shaken. In other words me being with Coach has shaken his faith in God. I'm not a very religious person. I do believe there is a higher power, but don't follow any specific doctrine (making me agnostic). For someone to blame me for their faith being shaken or changed irritates me. If your faith has been shaken by one person then maybe it wasn't as strong as you thought it was. So after all of that it was 7:50 when he finally shut up to let me get crap done.
Let me back up a bit. I have a morning routine like a lot of people, but unlike most people I really like to follow mine. It's kinda an OCD thing. I don't have it, but there are certain things I am in the habit of doing. I like to have everything I need to do in the morning done by 8. Just in case I need to leave early or if I just want to chill before work. I drink my protein shake, shower, put on my deodorant and put on a little axe on my chest, brush my teeth, shave, put on my shirt that I delayed cause I didn't want to get tooth paste or hair or axe on it, and then I'm done. I don't like my routine to be ruined unless it's just me speeding things up.
Now return to 7:50. I had to leave early for that deposit. I need to be out the door no later than 8:05 to make sure I get to the office in time to finish the deposit and get to the bank. Even if part of it's done it takes me a good 20 or so minutes to get everything in order then 10 or so minutes to run to the bank on a good day. I usually arrive at the office at 8:15ish. So you can see it's pretty tight if I open up at 9. I left the house at 8:10 and luckily got to the office at 8:20ish cause I kinda punched it. I got to the bank and I forgot the checks because I was in a hurry. That was just the icing on the cake. The cake was the fact I had to take a whore bath (look it up if you don't know what it is). Do you know what it's like to go to the gym and not shower. It doesn't feel good. I feel like I stink and I'm sticky. So with all this I'm a little pissy. I talk to one of my dads and he said I have got to put my foot down and he's right. I can't do it today cause if I do I will have burned a bridge. He has to get our his feelings to me. He doesn't write them down, and he doesn't have other friends because he doesn't go out to make any. So I'm clearly going to have to set boundaries when I'm calm down. I should be happy cause of the date last night, but all I am is pissed off cause of Ted. So I'm giving it a day. I'm going to talk to Coach (like my dad suggested) and set up some boundaries. Ted said last night there will be a point where he won't tell me everything and I think we are at that point. We limit when we are going to have these conversations and how many times a week. Me and him maybe have one big trip or dinner and that's it. Clearly he isn't at the point where he can be happy for me and Coach and I don't need that negativity. So I'm going to update my bear and try to calm down. Me and Ted are having dinner with a mutual friend (set this up earlier in the week before all this) and I don't want to be...well Ted.

Once again Date night

Well today has already gotten off to a rocky start. I woke up at about 7 completely forgetting I had to be at work at 8 for a meeting. I remembered at 7:57 and rushed out. I forgot my contacts so now I'm wearing my glasses. It's not that I don't like to wear my glasses (who doesn't like to see), but I just prefer my contacts. It's nice to be able to see the world without a frame. Plus it means I can actually see during sex, and when you have a guy like Coach you want to see everything.
On the plus side I do have a date with Coach and he likes me with or without glasses. Actually this will be the first time he's seen me with them on. Seeing as he wears glasses himself it's no big deal. Speaking of Coach he and Ted e-mailed last night. Ted wrote him a long one, but Coach wrote back a pretty nice and heartfelt e-mail which I know Ted will like. Basically just stating what I have been telling Ted which is that we both aren't going to turn our backs on him. That should hopefully make him feel better. Especially since we do know the local dating scene. So far he hasn't come across anyone that would make me say no don't talk to him, but at the same time he doesn't show me every guy he's talking to. Yet I really don't want to know cause well it's not entirely my business. It's this fine line I'm trying to walk. Between a caring and helpful friend and looking like a nosey nelly. That is actually a phrase I'm not making a derogatory attack on myself.
Now back to the date. We are going to a Chinese Buffet (cause I want to see them try to shoo him out cause he "eats too much" at an all you can eat buffet) then go home to watch more Queer as Folk. I will have a surprise for Coach. It's not a surprise that you can see. He'll know when he gets the surprise. He will love it just like I love him. And no it's not barebacking. That is something we agreed is down the road after a year or so and we have been tested and cleared. Don't see why either of us wouldn't, but again it's a down the road thing. 
So I remember what I wanted to talk about yesterday. Finally my brain is sending out those electric impulses correctly again. I might have mentioned this crazy guy that went out with Coach once and has suddenly popped out of no where to say how much he loves coach etc. Well he's now blocked so he can't talk to Coach on bear anymore. In his last message he just wanted Coach to know how depressed he was since they weren't together and how in love he was. Now something I didn't know, but this isn't the first time he's tried something like this. When Coach was seeing someone else he came out of the woodwork to say how much he loves him and blah blah blah. Needless to say Coach couldn't care less about this guy. He's the same guy who said he bought a house and was going to tell Coach on their 2nd date. He supposedly quit his job as well. He had also lied about getting Coach a collar. It just amazes me the links some guys go to for sex. He could have had Coach if he had his shit together. He lost out on his chance and laid a guilt trip after he lost his chance. So he now has this need to pull this if I can't have you no one can crap. Well he did forget about the block feature.
It's guys like that that make us not want to put who we are dating. Which reminds me I need to update my bear saying that. I've been dragging my feet cause I don't get hit on nearly as much as Coach does. Actually come to think of it I don't think I have been hit on since me and Coach started going out. Just my friends saying that Coach has got a good guy and such. Anyway you get these guys that don't read profiles or read them, but don't give a shit. They think they are so hot that they can get any guy. There was actually a porn star (star might be over stating it a bit since I think he only did 2 things) who hit on him yesterday. That's a bit of something I can show boat about, but at the same time it pisses me off cause the guy doesn't respect me. He hit on my boyfriend. There are plenty of single guys on the site that he could have hit on.
Well with saying all that it reminds me of a song (shocker). The song is called The Boy is Mine. Now granted it's about two girls fighting over the same guy, but it kinda fits here. Coach is mine. Some guys may be a bit confused on that, but well it's true. He's mine and I'm his. Plus I love this song. I can honestly say I never got why girls fought each other when they are both being played by the guy? I mean if he's doing this now then clearly he's not marriage material. If a guy does this to you then he's not worth it. Move on and find yourself a good guy. There are plenty of us out there.

Long Day

Today has just not been a good day. I've gotten a lot of "just looking" customers. Plus it seems like my brain doesn't want to work. I've been working on this blog since this morning. I can't think of anything to write. Well it was bound to happen. I've written pretty much everyday for what 2 or 3 weeks now? I want it to be tomorrow so I can spend some more time with Coach. Maybe it's cause I'm nervous cause Ted asked for Coach's e-mail address and I'm just worried what Ted might say. Ted likes to write out these long e-mails and Coach has already said he doesn't have time for something like that. I'm really just getting myself all worked up. Ted might actually be good and just get to know Coach and won't spill his guts too quickly.
Other than that not too much to report. Me and coach are doing well per usual. Ted and I are getting along fine. It's just a non-eventful day. I have no stats to report and nothing has my feathers all ruffled. Well it happens sometimes.

And my Monday has been long

It's only 11:45 (as of the time I'm writing this) and I'm so ready for today to be over. It has just been a long morning. Slow at the store plus seems like I can't get going. Also had trouble placing an order today which didn't help. I'm just now getting some breakfast in. Well the 2nd part of my breakfast that I save for when I get to work. Anyway a lot happened this weekend.
The good news is that my ex boyfriend Ted is on a dating website. Which now that I've gone through one day with him on that website is also bad news. Saturday he was all up beat. He had a guy that he thought was cute he contacted and had a few guys wink at him. Sunday he was a little depressed. The guy that he messaged apparently is giving up searching for a bit so he can focus on his school and job. The other bad news is that he's sent some e-mails to other guys and hasn't heard back. He was also contacted by two other guys and he isn't to thrilled about them. One lives about three hours away and Ted doesn't want to do a whole lot of driving which I can't blame him. Three hours is a lot of time on the road and would require either staying over a lot or having 6 hours free and a lot of money for gas. The other lives local and is one of those stuck on himself guys. At first I thought he wasn't giving him a far shake, until I read his profile. It's one of those "I'm a fit masculine man who's very professional and traveled the world" type of profiles. The kind that make you just go gross. He even answers his e-mails saying "Fit masculine guy here". Who does that? Who truly responds to every e-mail or message with fit masculine guy here? Now as for the guy that lives three hours away I kinda talked Ted into giving him a chance to get to know him. Saying that if you put it right out there that you aren't looking to do a lot of traveling then it may work. Sounds like he is self employed and has a lot of time that he could spend on driving. Even said in his profile he could move anywhere. They are pretty close in age and he seems like a nice guy. So like I said this is a kinda good news bad news situation.
There is a lot going on here. One he's on a dating website that caters to both men and women gay and straight. Two he's finally put a picture of him up on the website. Three he hasn't gotten the best reception. Four it's a pay site. He's paid for 3 months on the site. See I'm always leery of sites where you have to pay to do anything. Just cause you pay doesn't make it a good site. Yes it can weed out the players, but it can also scare away people who are good. I have no interest in paying to find a guy to talk to. I only joined sites like gay.com, bear411, Manhunt, and adam4adam. Not all at the same time and the only one I'm still on is bear411. Each site caters to a different crowd. Ted is looking for a real relationship. Hopefully he can find a guy on the site cause if not....well going to be hard on me and Coach.
In other news Coach will be meeting Ted tomorrow. Well that is assuming he doesn't change his mind. I'm trying to respect that he is having a hard time. No one likes seeing their ex find someone before them. Especially when you are still trying to get over him or her. It's just starting to get hard. Last night for instance. I wanted to stay up until 11:30 to watch the Robot Chicken DC comics special (which was kinda a let down). I said that when he asked if I was staying up and he says you are just saying that cause you want to talk to Coach (he said his real name). Note that I had talked to Coach earlier in the day and he knew about it. I didn't hide it. He said it with a smile, but at the same time it didn't feel like a complete joke. I said no I'm really staying up to watch that special plus to talk to him this late would be rude to you. He said well you could text. I said Coach doesn't have a cell phone (one thing I constantly remind him of) and that we talk through e-mail which I can do at any time. Plus he was asleep at the time. And that's just one of the recent comments. I'm trying to be honest with him and not hide things, but comments like that make it hard. If I'm staying up to talk to my boyfriend I'll say so. If he had stayed up he would have saw I wasn't lying. Respect works both ways and I'm just going to have to say something. Just haven't wanted to rock the boat too much since we have been doing really well. For the most part he was good Sunday.
Well in positive news Coach has some more stat updates. I got them Saturday, but this was after I had finished the blog and didn't want to go back to do an update. I was working on a Saturday so excuse my laziness on that.

Current Weight: 190lbs
Lifting Stats: working bench press for reps 200-215lbs
Squats 235-250lbs
Romanian deadlifts 260lbs
Barbell curl 85lbs-95lbs
Shrugs 250lbs-260lbs
Overhead barbell shoulder press 110lbs-115lbs
Dumbbell concentration curls at 40lbs
Is it any wonder why he can lift me up so easily? And No that picture isn't Coach, but I felt like posting it here.

I found this on Lolsnaps this morning and just had to post it. Wish they also showed wrestling too. Not the professional stuff, but the college and high school stuff with singlets. That's another one that could fit it in with the picture. Just draw singlets on the guys.

Videos

Not to pat myself on the back, but I think this is one of my better video postings this week. Not just because only 1 video was deleted this week. It's just the quality of videos is better. First up is Rogan from Men at play. That man fills out a suit nicely, but should only wear his birthday suit for sure. Just yummy all over. Next up is Mitch Vaughn fucking Dean Monroe. Apparently it's the 2nd part of a movie called Domination 101. Dean topped Mitch in the first scene and now they are switching. Honestly I do like Mitch as a top. He just screams top to me, but it is nice to know he knows how to bottom which just makes for a hotter top. Plus the guy can put eyes out with his cumshots. This third video is kinda funny. You have this hot muscular guy who hits on this "nerd" in the bathroom. First off I don't know why pornos try to make guys into nerds that aren't. The guy is in shape and just doesn't look like pretending to be timid. And on top of that he's the top. It's a hot scene, but that bugged me to no end. Then it's Randy Jones a.k.a. Win Diezel (think I wrote that right) and Julian Rios (wait is that him? I'm sucking at names today). It's a crappy set up, but hot fuck. I had a thing for Randy a.k.a. Win then he got too meh for me. Same with Julian. This was one of my favorite scenes of the two. Last up is Bronson Gates and Marc Angelo. If you like bears then you will not want to miss this. I mean wow. Just watch it is all I can say.

Such thing as cloud 11?

Saying I'm on cloud 9 doesn't seem like it really does me justice. Yesterday was my date with Coach and it was amazing. Just flat out amazing. For so many reasons. Hmm where to start. Oh I know with dinner and his cats.

So the picture to the left is a picture of one of Coach's cats. His name is Tiger. There is also Brenden and Pumpkin. Hmm....should have grabbed a photo of them. I think Coach sent me a photo of them. Meh I'll look for them later and post them on Monday. Anyway Tiger is the oldest cat. Coach had made us Chicken, rice, and buttered corn (all good btw). Now whenever Coach sits down Tiger always gets in the opposite chair and sits at the table staring. He's done that ever since he was a kitten. Yes he does get some food here and there. Last time I was there we put some Roast Beef out for him and for some reason he got his head under the table cloth and was trying to get at it. He had never done that before. Anyway back to his cats. Brenden is the 2nd oldest and from time to time gets into fights with Tiger. Play fights of course. They actually got into a tussle before I left. I think Brenden likes me the most. I petted him during dinner and he would constantly want me to pet him longer. He kinda paws at you like, "come on pet me some more". He also snuggled next to me while me and Coach were watching Queer as Folk. To the point I had no clue he was right next to me until I went to pause it. Pumpkin is the youngest and he likes me. Not as much as Brenden, but he likes me. He actually reminds me of my old cat. Both were loud purrers and I loved to pet them. Takes everything in me to not just pick him up and hold him all the time. Tiger I think is still getting use to me. I think he's like any older sibling. We look after our parents and we look at every move. I think he's warming up to me, but I do have to prove myself and I'm willing to do that cause I love Coach and love his kids like they were my own :).

Now on to the fun stuff. I'm not saying that playing with the cats wasn't fun, but yeah more fun was to be had. We went into his gym and we were going to have a mini workout, but well that lasted 1 quick set. A lot of kissing and holding and a bit of Coach flogging went on. Then he put on his collar, we kissed some more, he did some squats holding me, and eventually went into the bedroom. Then came the best part of the night. He said I could enter him and I did. It wasn't a full fledged pounding or anything. Just me entering him and going in and out again before pulling out. What made it so great was for once my mind was quiet. You see when I top a guy for the first time I get very nervous. I'm thinking ok go slow, but not too slow. Hope he likes it, hope I'm not too big. And of course the loudest is DON'T CUM, DON'T CUM! I didn't have that with Coach. It was just so nature. Such a slow passionate entry. The entire time I was thinking I love this man and I want to make love to this man. I made sure that he was able to relax and in doing so I was able to relax. If I didn't cum the rest of the night I would have been happy with just that. It was an amazing gift from the man I love. It was just a great start. Now we did cum later on, but it didn't top that moment. It came close, but that moment of me being inside Coach and holding him was just perfect. So romantic. So perfect. Now that unloading was great too. The two times I've been with Coach at his place have felt like a complete release. It's like the first time you learn you can cum. That release of everything that is building up, but this was better. It's like I've stifled myself before and this time it was a FULL release. I haven't slept so good at night in a long time. I know our dates are just going to get better and better as time goes on.
Yet that wasn't the end to a perfect evening. Me and my ex had a great chat. He has come a long way in realizing that we can still be friends even if we aren't together. In fact he has some good news that he'll be telling me a little later on. It sounds like he's truly embraced being gay and is willing to put himself out there. And of course I will be there for him every step of the way. I love him. Not as a partner or a romantic interest, but as a friend. I want him to be happy like he wants me to be happy. We have finally torn down the walls that have built up between us and are able to grow and live and be happy. I'm finally truly happy again. I feel like I did coming out of the hospital after my depression attack. I feel like I know what the problem was and have dealt with it and lived. So with that being said I'm giving my ex a name (not his real name of course). So from now on my ex with be referred to as Ted. Least until he stops being a little like Ted from Queer as Folk.
Like I said. Can I be on Cloud 11. It seems like I can and am. 

Happy day

Before I get onto today's post, I just have some clarification on yesterday's post. The guy I was talking about is not a friend. If I said he was that was my bad. He ims me every now and again. I kinda just nod along don't really have much to say. The guy is all about images.  When I had a date with the first Tommy, I had friended him on facebook and that's how the guy knew I had a date with Tommy. I offered to add him and he wouldn't add me because he doesn't want anyone on there that will post anything gay. Basically he didn't want me going on about me being gay which I don't do anyway. That's about the time I stopped iming him and talking to him. He also goes to my gym. He imed me the yesterday because he had saw me there the other day. And as you can tell he clearly came up to me to at least say hi. Yeah he didn't. So no this guy isn't my friend. He has far too many issues and I have my own crap to deal with. Don't need someone that insecure and about appearances in my life.

Now onto the happy news. I really don't know where to start. Well I guess I won't say the thing I'm waiting to tell Coach. I want to tell him face to face first so that will wait until tomorrow. So I guess I'll start with the fact that I have a date with Coach tonight and can't wait. You can imagine why it makes me so happy to see my boyfriend. So happy that I'm glad I'm wearing a jock right now. We have a lovely evening planned. A great dinner, a trip to his home gym with a little role playing then cuddling up with QAF. Sadly I can't stay the night, but that will be coming soon. Especially after Coach and my Ex meet. Once my ex sees that Coach is a great guy and not out ot hurt me or keep me and my ex from being friends things will fall into place. That's one of the things I love about Coach. He's secure in himself and us that he's ok with me being friends with my ex and actually wants to start a friendship with him. Not a lot of guys would be willing to do that. Hell not a lot of guys would be ok with their guy being friends with anyone they've had sex with. That's actually one reason why I'm not friends with a guy in Texas. I helped him with a divorce and 3 failed gay relationships, but because his new guy (who he moved in with like a month after they met) couldn't understand that it drove a wedge. I wish them no ill will.
So back to me and Coach. I'm just flat out happy and trying to not rush through the day. I have a nice weekend ahead even with working on Saturday. Coach tonight, work then rest tomorrow, and Packers game with my Ex and pizza. I'm also setting up visiting a friend some time next week. I'm for sure feeling happy and it's a nice feeling.
Thanks Adam. Your opinion does mean a lot. I do plan on holding onto Coach and not letting go. I keep telling Coach I'm not trading an hour of "fun" for a lifetime of happiness. I've been searching for a good guy for over a year and I'm lucky enough to find one. I'm not (as RuPaul would say) going to fuck it up. Whenever I'm with him I always see this look he gives. It's not there for long, but it's there. This look of vulnerability. It happens typically after we have a good kiss or when I say I love you or just after we hold hands. It's a look that connects to my heart. It's the look that let's me know he's not going anywhere and I'm not going anywhere. Makes me feel loved and makes me love him all the more.