To conform or not to conform.

Tonight is my date with Coach and I couldn't be happier. I get to see my guy again shortly after I recently saw him. Which is good cause it's going to be another long wait after tomorrow. Yes we could have dates twice a week, but we do like our pace of 1 date per week. It allows us time to miss each other and get closer when we do meet. It's a pace we do like. Yet there is this pressure to conform. Coach had a topic today where he had to write an entry talking about a time when he gave went against his values to conform and was it worth it. Well my value is that I don't think it's right to tell others what they should or shouldn't do. Not unless they specifically ask. I'm being told I'm moving too fast by others who don't really know/cause the situation to move at the speed it is. If I was to conform to them, I wouldn't be happy. They'd probably have me go on a date once every 2 weeks and to wait until 6 months have passed before sex. Needless to say that wouldn't make me happy and would actually make me spiteful.
One other thing that has been bugging me is how so many of these ex gay camps and movements have popped up. Me and Coach are at the Queer as Folk episodes where Emmit feels the need to go straight. I myself have felt that pressure and it's one of the many pressures that lead to me going to the hospital after a major depression attack. It's forcing you to be something you aren't. To do something you don't want to do. Do I find women attractive, yeah I do, but I don't want to have sex with one. I've seen a lot of guys who have divorced because they realize they can't hide who they are anymore. It leads to a lot of hurt feelings and I was on the road to be the exact same. I thought oh I find women attractive and I'm sure I could have sex with one. Then I'd find a guy on the side and be good. That's what conforming to what others would want would have done to me. I would have ended up hurting an innocent woman. It would have been a shame marriage. These places say they "cure" people of their homosexual thoughts. They don't. They will always be there and now you've placed even more guilt on yourself for having them. Anyone can put up a good front. Hell I could play straight no problem, but it's not me. I love being with Coach, a guy, and I don't plan on changing that.
I keep getting told I'm mature for my age. I think it all has to do with what I've observed. I've heard stories and seen a lot of this stuff before. There are guys that move too quick then get burned because they had sex on the first date when they wanted to wait until later. Seen others that played straight and then ended up hurting a lot of people when they couldn't handle it anymore. I have to be true to myself or I'll just end up right back in the hospital and on anti-depressants for life instead of just 6 months. This is just some free advice from a guy who's kinda been there before. If you can't find someone that accepts you for you (as a friend or romantically) then you won't really be happy.
Oh and I'm going to try to get photos of Coach today to share with you guys. I was going to do it this past weekend, but well we got side tracked.
And speaking of Coach he has another song to share. This one is called The September of my Years. There is a bit of symbolism in this one (like in most songs). If after hearing the song you still don't know what he's talking about then here's a hint. Our relationship is a may/September relationship. What I can't spell it all out for you. Sometimes I make you put more blood flow to the top head than the lower one.