Tuesday, September 27, 2016

Reason for the break up

So I kinda touched on it yesterday, but I'll go into more detail today. As I said before Bear and I broke up. There are many many reasons why and I'll go into some of them.
The main reason for the break up is that he didn't listen. Well let me rephrase that. He heard what I was saying, but didn't really listen to what I was saying. That fact became clear to me when we decided to break up and he said he was blind sided. If he was listening to me and my wants and needs he would have seen it coming. I had several long conversations with him and that just didn't seem to sink in. He would nod his head and say he understands, but the behavior wouldn't change. That lead to the slow decay of the relationship. From there every other issue basically centered around him not listening to what I was telling him.
One such issue was sex. We hadn't had sex in months and that wasn't from him lacking the want. It really boiled down to me. Whenever we were together it felt like I was just arm candy. That I was there because I was the only person that paid him attention. Whenever I asked to just cuddle or be held he would always start off fine then start rubbing and grabbing things. Basically not understanding that I just wanted to be held. No other intention. I would even tell him that and he would still do it. In the mornings when, yes I have morning wood, he'd grab it and start stroking it. Yes that would sound great, but I honestly was not awake for it. A lot of the time I wasn't in the mood because we were up late. That shut me off. The feeling of just being there for sex. He really couldn't see that.
Another issue was he really wanted a family. He wanted to get married, have kids, and a white picket fence. I'm at that point where I wasn't really sure what I wanted. I wasn't and still am not so sure I want to get married. Not sure if I want kids. I thought I did, but I see the world and I just can't imagine how draining it is for parents to see the world changing the way it is and make it harder to be a kid. The marriage thing I'm not sure about for many reasons, but I guess I should say I don't want to get married to the wrong person. There were a lot of things Bear did that made me think I couldn't deal with that for an extended amount of time. I've been with him for several days and afterwards I just wanted to punch him. He wasn't the best with finances and I just can't deal with that.
He also was very jealous and really was bent on laying claim on me. I will be the first to admit I'm extremely obvious. If someone is hitting on me I'll never know. He has found guys staring at me everywhere we go. It kinda comes with looking as different as I do. I on the other hand don't get jealous. He would tell me all the time about guys that messaged him on growlr. I didn't care because I trusted him and know he wasn't going to go cheat on me. Apparently he didn't have that same trust in me. So he would try to guilt me into spending more time with him or moving up to be with him. Oh he was doing that before we even hit the year mark.
Lastly was his family. I know part of being in a relationship is accepting the other person's family. Yeah sometimes you don't get along with some of the realitives, but it was a lot of his family. He was the youngest in the family, but they just didn't respect him or his time. I was up there every other weekend sometimes there would be a 3 week pause. When I would show up that's when they wanted him to dog sit, or pick up one of their kids or watch them or go pick something up. They just didn't get that he deserved alone time with his boyfriend and it just got old. It was every time. Not just once in awhile. Then they would start harassing me about when I was moving in. He wouldn't stand up to them and I just couldn't do it. That's basically what got me to say I was done. Plus the fact that he can't seem to understand we are just friends and as just friends he can't demand time with me.

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