On Cloud 9

Lately it just seems like me and my boyfriend have just been really lovey dovey. Seems like our relationship is just gotten to a point where it just feels right. Doesn't feel like we are trying to impress the other. Well I still am. I still want to get bigger so I can be his muscle stud. Yeah he grabs me and treats me like I am one, but I still feel like I'm too small. It's just been going so well. It's why I didn't post yesterday. I kinda got all the stuff off my chest. Seems like getting it off my chest lead to us being more closer. Although the ex did im me today. Yeah clearly going to have to tell him to stop that. Anyway I had a sex dream again last night and it was a weird one. I think it was reflecting my past relationship. Actually I shouldn't say sex dream because I don't remember there being any sex. I was apparently with this guy and he didn't treat me well, but I cared for him a lot. Then one day some guy comes out of the blue and apparently my dream boyfriend owe money and so we had to get out of their quick but we left the car across the street. So I go to get it and he leaves me. Apparently my grandparents know that I'm gay (as far as I know they really don't) and so my grandpa says well then he wasn't really meant for ya now was he. Then there was a second part of the dream where I was dating another guy, and I think that part had sex, but I can't remember. Right now I'm more focused on my friend who I tried to hook up with another one of my friends. Apparently one is head over heels in love and the other isn't and so he has to have the talk saying I don't want to date you. Just feel so bad for both parties because they didn't hit it off as well as I thought they would. Tonight the big talk is suppose to happen and I just don't want to have to deal with the aftermath. I mean I'll see both people on im tomorrow so I'm going to hear about it. One is going to be super crushed and the other is going to be crushed because he crushed the heart of someone else.

Not much to report

Now that I got most of my big things out of the way I don't have anything new to really report. It's been a slow day today. Nothing has got me in the need to share. Me and my boyfriend are still lovey dovey. No sex dream last night. I'm not in an overly hyper sexual state today. I think it's because I didn't workout last night and that gets my testosterone flowing. Well I guess I did realize last night that I don't want any type of relationship then the one I have now. I've always kinda wondered what it would be like to be in a 3-way relationship. Or even an open relationship. I think that's because I was secretly worried about what would happen to me further down the line if this relationship ended. I think last night pushed any little bit of doubt I had left. I really don't want to have sex with another guy. I am perfectly happy with the one I have right now. We have talked about the difference in these types of relationships and we kinda decided that we didn't want an open relationship. We just wanted each other. I guess I said that to make him happy, but only recently could I say that I actual want that too. I know that some guys do great in an open relationship or a 3 way relationship and more power to ya. Me personally I don't want that. If heaven forbid we do break up then maybe I'll address the issue after I've grieved, but like I said right now I just one this one guy.

I slept well

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Oh that Ex of Mine

So in a previous blog I mentioned that I didn't feel like I was treated right by my Ex. That is true, but it's also my fault that I was treated that way. I mean I had so mean red flags of why I shouldn't be with the guy. 1. He lied about his name. Now we met on a hookup site, but the thing is he wanted a bf and went on about how he wanted me to be his. Obviously if you want to start a relationship you don't lie about your name. 2. He lied about his age. It wasn't a direct lie since I didn't ask him his age, but it was on his profile and when I asked him about it he said that the age he put down was one that everyone thought he looked like. I mean we had a long conversation about that and I mean I should have broke it off then, but I didn't. 3. He was super jealous. I had mentioned that I wanted to go on a date with another guy (when we weren't an item) and he said he was going to spy on us. He said it jokingly, but as we talked about it I realized that yeah he wasn't lying. Not to mention he didn't want me to have any gay friends. Even if they weren't even in the same state as me. Yeah another major flag. The 4th is one of those omg what the hell is wrong with me for not breaking it off flags. 4. My ass hurt for some reason. I don't even know why it hurt. The point is that it hurt and I mean he begged and whined and pulled the come on I'm your boyfriend line. That happened not once but at least 3 times. We were had fallen asleep after fucking and he is up and wants to fuck again, but I said no I'm tired and I mean basically got on top of me begging me to let him fuck me. Yeah unhealthy relationship that lasted 1 month too long. We were together 3 months. When we broke up it was emotional yes. I felt terrible about it and I mean I knew why we were breaking up but he didn't. I didn't mention all those things, because I thought it was piety to bring them up. So later on I was hanging out with a friend and my ex commented on my facebook status. I had said something like is feeling cold or something like that. I think I was talking about my temperature. A friend commented saying I am a cold hearted bastard (jokingly) then my ex comments and says yeah I am cold. So I asked for clarification. Saying you mean cold temperature wise or what, because I think you mean the former. He said ok. So I texted him and he said that no I was cold as in cold hearted. I mean I felt like shit. It bugged me for days. Then I texted him saying something like I can't believe you'd say something like that and he texted back acting like he had no idea what was going on. Turns out he was drinking and said all that stuff because he hadn't had a drink in his system in months. I didn't believe it and that is kinda when I stopped wanting to talk to him. I never told him when I moved and didn't tell him I was back in town at Christmas. He's imed me a few times, but I really didn't want to talk to him so I'd make up an excuse for why I had to leave. So as I was mulling over writing this post a few days ago I saw my ex on im and messaged him. Yeah I'm done with him. He's going on about how he's making so much money at his new job. I really don't care how much money he's making. Then he mentioned something about not working out as much and I said well I have been working out more and my body fat was down. So he accused me of being even skinner then when we were together. I will note I was skinny at that time, I also gained weight while I was dating him and he was not to friendly about pointing it out. So I said no I weight more then when we were going out (by like 5 lbs) and that I now had 147lbs of muscle and 7lbs of fat. He said that's great then signed off. So needless to say I think we are done talking. After that conversation my anger towards him pretty much left me. Which is a good thing since I have a new boyfriend who knows about my previous one and how uncomfortable he made me when he talked to me on im. Must say I'm really happy with my new boyfriend. We've been together for 4 soon to be 5 months. Never had any of the problems I had with the ex. I'm just at a good point in my life. Really appreciate what a good boyfriend I do have after writing this. I'm going to give him a massage when I get home, or wear that underwear he likes. Something to show him that I love him.

Good Ole Fashion Jack Off

So Sunday I actually got some time to myself because my bf went out with his family. That meant I got to do a long drawn out jack off session. I never realized how much I need those until I don't get to do them all that often. Don't get me wrong I love sex with my boyfriend, but there are times when I want to sit down and just jack off. I want to watch the porn I like and go to the scenes that I like. For instance my bf hates vintage porn. Just something he doesn't like about it. I think it's because of the color of the picture. Me I love vintage porn. I think it's awesome. I in fact still have some VHS tapes a friend gave me that I still jack off to. I don't know it's just something about that era of porn that I like. Not to mention I can watch scenes over and over and over again and not get bored with them. So that was a much appreciated 4 1/2 hours. Just seems I'm less edgy after a good edging. Oddly enough my bf never really notices. Which kinda brings me to my second thought. What would it be like to have a friend that did porn. Not just gay porn I mean. Would you get invited to all the big porn parties? Or better yet what would it be like to date a porn star. Kinda heard mixed things from both sides. Some porn stars say that you either get someone that wants nothing to do with you since you do porn while others want to know all about your alter ego not you. Some that have dated a porn star say it was a headache and they were left alone weeks at a time, but back to my original question. I actually did become facebook friends with Ross Hurston. He was a guy I had the super hots for. Ironically now I pass up his movies quite often. Don't know when that started. Anyway I did it just to do it and he accepted and I happened to see him on gaydar and said hey and thanked him for the add. He didn't really say much which I kinda get since he gets quite a lot of guys fawning all over him. I later had to remove him because I added people from my job and that work around me and well yeah didn't want a porn stars picture which at that time was his cover for unzipped to show up when they view my profile. I guess it's kinda hard to become a porn stars friend for the simple fact that 1. would you talk to this person if you didn't know what they did and 2. it's kinda hard to build a trust. I guess it's one of those things I'll just have to keep wondering about. The chances of a porn star coming into where I work and chatting with me are kinda slim. I live in small town USA... well one of many. Oh just in case none of you have any clue who Ross Hurston is (because you were living under a rock about 1-2 years ago) here he is in all his glory.

The Body Fat is down

One of the problems with watching porn as much as I do is that you get really self conscious. I mean typically the guys you seen in porn have 6 packs, massive chests, guns that could take out an army, and so on. So yeah that can play with ya a bit. Well I found out that my body fat is down to 4.77%. That is amazing for me because I don't think I've ever had body fat that low. Well probably when I was like 9. Anyway so I'm on my way to being one of those guys you see in porn that make your mouth water. Speaking of which the other night I had another sex dream about my current porn boyfriend Vince Ferelli. Omg look at this guy.
Whenever I look at him I say aww that guy looks like he's very approachable. He's one of those guys that your like oh he's out of my league, but you know he'd still talk to you and you still had a chance. I mean there is nothing I'd change about him. Even when he was first on ManAvenue I said he's talking about straight sex, but meh I don't feel it. I was just saddened because I thought he wasn't going to do anything else, but boy was I wrong. Then when I read in some magazine that he was looking for a boyfriend to at least try it I was all sweet I have a chance. Yeah right. Anyway I love the guy in everything he does. Hope he does find someone that treats him right, unlike my ex who is a whole other blog post in itself. Well back to my low fat contents. My boyfriend is very proud of me. Said I've been working really hard lately and said I've been making great strides. Needless to say he's kinda my trainer. The one that got me started working out in the first place. Also the only one that can see any progress I make mainly because it's all in my back. Literally all my progress looks like it's in my back. He says it's like the perfect shape. Looks like a guy that you'd see in a fitness magazine. Which is great....if I could see it, but he has been treating me a bit like a piece of man meat by grabbing me a lot and pinching my ass. Which gets me boned up, and we have a limited window to take care of that. Well I better get back to work. The customers aren't going to be talked into buying something magically by themselves.

My first post

So basically I started this blog because quite honestly I have things I need to address that I can't exactly do where I am now. What I mean is I have thoughts that I can't really tell anyone. Yes I have a boyfriend I could tell, but honestly I kinda rather not. For example when I have a sex dream that doesn't involve him. Yeah he doesn't really need to know that stuff. Plus I've learned that if I don't express my thoughts in one way or another they come out in destructive ways. So basically this blog is to help to keep the edge off. It can be anything from omg I found this new porn star and he's super sexy to, I think I should tell my parents, but not really. I kinda got the idea from others blogs I've seen around. I have a lot of free time at work to surf the net so that leads me to look at a LOT of blogs. I'm honestly a very sexual guy and I know it. That's kinda one of my problems that I so don't want to tell the boyfriend about. I also have to jack off at least once a week. You know just me time, which I don't get to do since we now live together and I have a HUGE stash of porn. Me and my boyfriend have different taste in guys which can make it difficult to watch porn together, which we try to do every Saturday. Anyway sometimes I want to watch something that has older hairy guys going at it. He on the other hand likes younger smoother guys. Now we both agree that we LOVE muscle guys. Then again most gay guys do. I also like classic porn. You know from like the early 90's and 80's. He doesn't. Like I said it makes it hard sometimes. Plus we don't have sex as much as I'd like. The reason being he's older then me and he's kinda slowed down. Not to mention he is no where near as sexual as I am when he was my age. So kinda makes sense that as he gets older he's not so into it. Anyway my point being is that there are some days when I just want to talk about sex. Today is one of them. Tomorrow maybe not. Anyway like I said this blog will probably talk about a lot of things. Mostly things I can't tell the boyfriend or anyone else because I don't have the money for a therapist. Got to love america.