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I need a shrink

It's obvious I'm going to have to go to another shrink one day. My life is just not going well. I have to work 4 days straight of 9-6 shifts. I am living with my ex that for some stupid reason I decided to give a 2nd chance and it's obvious it's not going to work. Was sick most of the weekend. Locked my keys in my car so I had to call my boss to let me in and my ex to get me my spare set. So I guess I need to back track. I basically agreed to give my ex a 2nd chance because my last date turned out to be a jerk. Said we should stay friends, but wouldn't talk to me and defriended me on facebook. I had no prospects so I said what the hell. Well it hasn't gone well. He expects me to jump right back into what we left off with. Saying he's changed. And in some ways he has. In others not so much. We were out last saturday and I ran into a guy I use to hook up with. We talked and he asked me who it was. I said it was a guy I met in bear that I haven't talked to in awhile. He thought it was a guy I went out with and I said no this guy has a boyfriend. I thought the issue was put to rest. Nope I get an e-mail saying let's put this in perspective. How would it look like if a girl was going out with a guy (yeah I'm the girl in this instance) and she sees this guy she knows and they start talking and when the guy asks how they know each other she says they met on a website. It feels like she's still looking. Ok first off we are not a heterosexual couple. Second I am not looking at the moment. 3rd I told him that the guy already has a boyfriend. Then yesterday my ex's daughter asked both of us to a park where we took some pictures. I uploaded a picture and my ex commented on it. Then another guy from bear commented on it as well. Well my ex blocks the guy. Why did he do this? Oh because the guy has on his facebook that he's married to a guy. And he didn't want his family to see that both him and this guy posted on my photo and think that he's gay by association. Yeah things are different. Was going to talk to him about it but it was a long weekend and I didn't feel good. Yeah can't be with this guy. And it requires him to get therapy, but he won't so there's no way it will ever work. I know I need help to figure out why I would put up with it again.

 This is a picture of Mitch Vaughn and Marc Dylan. I do think the two make a great combo. I just lately have been finding myself less attracted to Marc Dylan. I think it's just because it seems like he's always the submissive one. Jut would like to see him be the one to take charge for once.

 I got this picture from Roids and Rants (link in the side bar). It's a picture by Logan. If you don't know who Logan is then go look up the comic Porky or Deimos (think I spelled that right). In his comics all his characters are muscular studs with big dicks. Some are hairy. I just like Logan's style. They are guys I tend to find attractive in real life.

 Hard to see that and not stop and stare. I mean the dude is pretty well built. Even has a visible six pack. Now it's not flat, but still impressive. Typically whenever I see that I think it's a roid gut, but honestly I don't know anymore. Plus it's not really my place to say if I think guys are or aren't.

Carl Hardwick. Just looking sexy as always. He is one of the main reasons why I'm so attracted to hairy guys with beards. He's also one of the reasons why I'm becoming ok with only being 5' 6". Now granted he is taller than me anyway, but knowing that you can be less than 6', but still look it on camera helped a lot.

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Fetishes

Ok I understand all of us have different tastes in anything sexually related. Some of us like to have sex with the opposite sex. Some of us like to have sex with the same sex. Some of us like muscular men and others of us like chubby ones. We all have our little kicks and I respect that. Like I can respect that some straight men like to fuck very muscular women. I don't understand it, but hey it makes them happy. Now my view on fetishes is basically like my view of religion (not a crack about religion). You can have your views on them and follow them all you want, but don't expect me to bend over backwards to understand it or appreciate you trying to stuff it down my throat. I was on scruff when this guy messaged me this:
Would a sexy god like you enjoy the idea of shrinking me down to 2 inches tall then stepping on me and crushing me beneath the sole of ur shoe? If u could?
Well this guy is a macrophile. He finds the idea of being shrunk down and squished appealing. Now a part of me can get that. I enjoy being with taller and bigger guys then me, but from there it just got creepier and creepier. And if you look at his profile it starts off nice. Then all of a sudden it kinda turns. Basically if you don't accept his fetish he will block you. Or if you ask him about it he will just go on and on. I understand that your fetish is a bit on the fringe, but you don't have to stuff it down my throat. How about we talk about something other than your fetish because he would not talk about anything other than me squishing him if I was a giant. The thing about me is I truly get no pleasure in causing others pain or even the idea of causing others pain. Even in bed I've been told I could get a bit rougher. That's just not my style. I enjoy being passionate and letting the guy know I'm enjoying our time together. I think it comes from being bullyed and not feeling loved for so long. Anyway the point of this whole rant is that I understand we all are into different things. If you don't like what I post you don't have to watch or return. And have enough respect for me to not only talk about your fetishes. That's not attractive even if we are into the same things. Have some depth please.

 This image right here is the embodiment of one of my favorite sexual positions in porn. To me nothing is hotter than when a guy wraps his arms around another guy has he's lifted up and fucked standing. It's a feat of strength that always gets me going. I've only had one guy do it to me and that was my first ex. It's another reason why I like guys bigger and stronger than me. Hopefully if I'm ever in a relationship again and we flip flop the guy will do this to me. With a condom on of course. If we are together for awhile then we can talk about bareback.

 The guy standing with all the piercings is Tober Brandt. I have a major crush on him. The guy sucking his dick is Peter Axel (another guy I find super sexy). Tober has always fascinated me. The guy has a major kinky side and if you were to see him on the street you'd think he's the meanest guy you'll ever meet. Well he's not. Least that's not what I get when I hear him talk or see him smile. And the guy isn't a strict top. He does bottom. I just know that he's this big ole teddy bear. Hence why I have a crush on him.

 Now that I see this picture I can see two sides of this. I have this picture because this is honestly one of my favorite ways to blow a guy. Him looking down at me while I look up at him. It mainly has to do with the fact that I love a good set of pecs on a guy and they just look beefier from below. After my little rant up there I can see how it has macrophile appeal.

This honestly looks like Rusty Jeffers playgirl spread. He just looks so much younger than he does in even some of the early Colt photos. The reason why I know he did a shoot for play girl is awhile back I saw a clip of him on a show being introduced by his now wife. I think it was the Geraldo show. Or however that guy spells his name. Easy to see the major potential huh?

Videos

The first scene is from the movie hot and sweaty by alpha male media. Amazing how I remember this. It's with Ben Mason and Fernando Nielson. I'm doing it all from memory so if I am all correct I have been watching way too much porn (well I know that last part is correct). This is one of the hotter scenes in the movie. Mainly because these two are so masculine and appear to be very into each other. Next up is Blake Nolan and Mick Powers from Muscle Bear Motel. It was the 2nd movie in the Muscle Bear series (Muscle Bear Hotel and Muscle Bear Truck stop). I thought they were a couple based on the scenes they did together and by the fact that they started about the same time (with this movie I believe). Plus they really seemed to know what turned the other on. Third up is Zak Spears and Buddy Jones. Fun fact this was the 2nd movie Zak Spears created after he came out of retirement (the first time). Two muscle bears going at it. And both are daddy types. Yeah this is my scene. I don't know where this fourth clip comes from, but I do know I love it. I've scene it many many times and it still gets a rise out of me easily. It's not the setting but the guys. Plus the quality that translated over into the video. Looks pretty realistic almost like you are watching it on tape. For all you fans of massage you'll like this next clip. It's Trace Michaels massaged Robert Axel with a very happy ending. There is something naturally erotic about massaging a naked body with oil. Last up is Antonio in a scene from Smoking Hunks. There is no doubt Antonio is straight (you can hear the straight porn towards the end), but I still enjoy watching him. He has a fantastic body

Sometimes I hate the internet

Yes the internet has brought us some amazing things, but at the same time sometimes I think it's the source of some of my problems. For instance I think my expectation of a relationship is a bit too high because of the erotic fiction I find. How did I find it? Surfing around the internet going from link to link. Sometimes I just get sad because  I find out a porn couple I like broke up. It shouldn't affect me, but it does and it's so easily found. Thanks to the internet I found out that Monster Mike died last year. Well more of cause a comment made here. It answered the question I asked, but still made me sad. Now yes I know a lot of this is my fault. I'm just saying the internet makes it so easy to find things. Also makes it easy for anybody to post something. There are some days I dread looking through a tube site because someone insists on posting videos of them taking a beer can up the ass or apples. I don't need to see that. You have to take the bad with the good. Thanks to the internet I was able to talk to Rocky LaBarre, Adam Russo, Pete Finland, Mitch Vaughn, and others because of the site twitter. I'm sure there is no way I'd meet them in person unless I got tons of money and managed to fly to the city they were going to be in. Plus I do get to get a lot of the crap I have off my chest. I'm much more likely to type something than I am to write it. Plus having a blog kinda forces me to keep up with it. Until I'm ready to stop that is.
I love vintage photos. I guess the reason being is that there was less editing going on. More time was spent on getting a good photo because you only had so much film. Today everything is all digital so You can just keep clicking away hoping for a better photo. Then there is so much air brushing. In vintage photos the guys were real guys. They weren't edited to be perfect.

This is a guy I'd so follow around the gym if I could. He's just a guy I'd fall for. He has a fantastic body. The body I strive for today. And plus look at the bulge in that jockstrap. Clearly he's packing quite a bit. He could be my personal trainer any day. I know I'd always try my hardest to impress him.

Jockstraps are such an amazing invention. It's amazing how my attitude towards them has changed. Before I would have never worn one. I hated my ass being so exposed, now I would wear one any day. Plus on guys they look amazing. I swear a guy's ass looks better in jocks. Plus it's a fun tease. And you don't have to be a jock to look good in a jockstrap.

Ah kilts.Another piece of fabric I think looks good. I guess because I know that if I could get under there I could give a guy an amazing blowjob in some sort of privacy. With a kilt around you it's just you and the dick in front of you. It's basically like a glory hole mentality. You can't see the guy unless he pulls his kilt up. I'm clearly horny today.

Videos

This first video features Eric Evans. You do have to get past a few minutes of plot filler. Must say I do love seeing Eric top and bottom. He just looks so sexy. Hence why he is my forever crush. Could see him today and I'd act like a school girl with a major crush on a teacher. Next up is Ray Dragon in a solo. It's kinda amazing how little Ray has changed over the years. He just has a bit more hair on top and more beard. Body wise he stayed pretty much the same.Third up is Marc Dylan getting (wait for it) fucked (shocker I know). The name of his scene partner escapes me. Yes I know Marc has done a lot of scenes, but only a few seem to really appeal to me for one reason or another. Typically it's the more romantic scenes. I guess because he has that boy next door face which to me fits him better in scenes like this. Next we have two guys getting it on in the bathroom. I secretly have always wanted to do this, but just never had the nerve. Still don't. Especially because someone could come in (like in this scene) at any minute. The chances that they'd just watch and jack off are kinda slim unless you are in a gay friendly place or a gay bar. And even then they'd want to join. It's a fun fantasy though.Yes I know this last scene I've posted like 20 times, but doesn't make it less hot. I don't have a lot of scenes with Walter Soares in them so I post any that I find. Plus it's such a hot scene.

A fun weekend I hope

This weekend should be the best in a long time for me. The bear couple I met with last month is coming down. Not only that, but a guy that I asked out is also coming up. What more they all will be meeting each other and possible a foursome will break out. The plan right now is that tomorrow when Rich (the guy I could be dating) comes up I'll get the room key from papa and baby bear (their nicknames for each other). Me and Rich will have some alone time then meet up with papa and baby bear after that. If dinner goes well we'll go back to the hotel for some more fun. Then hang out some more, possibly another session, then both me and Rich going back home. Sadly Rich leaves about an hour away from me and I have a big day planned Sunday. Now this all depends on my ex of course. I haven't told him that I'm going to be gone Saturday night, but I did promise him we will hang out Sunday. Plus I have this e-mail he sent Friday talking about how I need to spread my wings. Basically I'm saying I wasn't sure if I was going to go out with this guy, but I read your e-mail several times and figured I'd go for it. Can't get mad at his own writing. Plus it's not like I won't be doing the things I normally do on Saturday with him. And he has me all Sunday like he had me all week. So fingers crossed for me that all goes well and come Monday I'm not in the mood to punch everyone I meet.

 That would be a fun surprise to have one morning. Be laying in bed and wake up to your boyfriend with a raging boner. The setting I have in my head is that this guy typically has to get to work before his boyfriend. He was getting dressed when his morning wood just wouldn't go down. So He said fuck it I'm going to have a quick fuck before work. Or hell it could be that his partner has to work nights so typically sleeps in. He got home from work and was ready for some loving. Do wonder who is taking the photo though.

 More reason that I wish I had the space and money for a home gym. Could have photos like this often. Not to mention we could just workout naked if we wanted to. Let the boners fly where they may. Then again I'm sure that would be a bit distracting having a boyfriend like this with a boner. How could you not want to bounce on that. Then again I'm sure your squats would get pretty good if you were to squat onto that.

 No question what this guy is packing. I always wanted some underwear like this, but then again it does take away the mystery of what I'm packing. Sometimes it's fun just to see the looks on guy's faces when I pull down my pants and underwear. Does make for a good strip show though.

So I had no problem with Matt Cole early in his career, but I certainly don't have a problem with the bigger Matt Cole. Hell even this photo is out of date. He's even bigger now. I never have any problem with a porn star decides to thicken up. Then again it seems like the natural progression. Matt Rush got huge, Ceasar got huge, Tom Katt got huge, and the list just goes on and on. I must say Matt is good with the extra size or without. He just has this very masculine face that let's you know he is butch and doesn't need the muscle to prove it, but he loves to make you drool over him all the more with them.

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More drama

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Sorry for not updating earlier. Like I said before my life has become a magnet for drama lately. Anyway the first video is with Daniel Marvin. Honestly I try to avoid stuff with Daniel in it ever since he broke up with Pedro Andreas. It's just the romantic side taking over the horny side. That being said this was a very hot video. My personal feelings took a back seat to my dick's feelings. Next up is a clip called Tony and Trevor. Don't ask me who is who. All I know is that both guys are super sexy. Just more reason why I like some of the vintage stuff over the newer stuff. Third up is Tanner Reeves once again getting pounded. I never get tired of seeing it. He's just a guy that I'd love to do that to myself. Next are two muscular Japanese studs. I will say that the video seems to repeat, but not like I cared. Sticking with this vintage theme is the fifth video with Mickey Squires and Mark Mangos. The sound is messed up on it, but it's still hot. Least if you like muscle bears. I know I do. Last up is a guy on webcam. I will say this is a must watch. You will get a very big surprise if you do.